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Salam dear brothers and sisters
How have you all been? Firstly, Ramadan Kareem to all of you! Another Ramadan is upon us and we are the guests of Allah for an entire month. When you're someone's guest, they don't expect you to do anything. They honour you just for being present. So Allah doesn't expect us to do anything - just be honoured and receive His gifts. So don't freak out - Ramadan's not a race to 'finish the Quran' :) Even your breath is Tasbih...
Nuff said ;) Sooooo, why have i not beet posting recently? The reason dear brothers and sisters is that the last week i've been tied down by so many commitments in different places. Alhamdulillah its a blessing, but i do feel tied down by them and need some time to concentrate on my own self. With Allah's mercy, we shall be leaving later today for the blessed sanctuaries of the prophet's (s) household in the holy cities of Qum and Mashhad. If Allah wills. i know i don't deserve this but i need it. Peace be upon you Oh Household of mercy and prophethood.
i hope that i am able to share videos and pictures with you my dear brothers and sisters, along the journey. i don't know when i'll be writing part 6 up yet; so sorry to leave it hanging here! But i wanted to give you this update on what's been happening in my life recently.
Finally, please forgive me for my mistakes. if i've ever hurt you, angered you or not been there for you when you needed me then please forgive me. This is the month of mercy and i humbly request all of you to remember us, our family, our dear brothers and sisters, the Ummah and all humanity in your prayers. May Allah enrich all those who are poor! May Allah return all those who are away from their homelands to their homes once more! May Allah reunite the imprisoned fathers with their families! May Allah return the mothers to their children!
Thank you for everything you've done for me. Thank you for being there for me, for supporting me, for telling me you love me, for sharing my posts, for the likes and the comments full of support - you are like stars shining in the night sky to me. <3 you all. i really appreciate your words full of warmth and support. it warms my heart knowing i can be of some use to you - you are all my people, my community, my family.
May Allah hav mercy on all of you xxx
Fi Amanillah - In God's protection
Haidar a-h
Saturday, 21 July 2012
Phone Uploads IV
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Around 7 months ago (?) - definitely within the last year
Around 7 months ago (?) - definitely within the last year
Sunset - Maghrib
'He merges the day into night'
^This is from about a year back.
Alhamdulillah i've had the blessing of travelling - any guesses which city this is?
An hour before sunset, earlier yesterday :)
Phone Uploads - Bahrain Protests
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Protests against the oppression taking place in Bahrain...heartbreaking </3
Phone Uploads II
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London Central Mosque in the afternoon
The Penine hills surrounding Glossop, a town in North England:
Sun and clouds over London:
Tree, sun and clouds over London!
Phone Uploads I
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Here's the first round of randomness then!
Glossop - a town in north England:
Maghrib time in South London:
One of the famous parks in central London:
London Central Mosque (Regents Park Mosque):
Mid morning outside our house:
Qur'an Recitation From A Mosque In Germany
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Salams dear bros and sisters! i guess you've been wondering why i haven't been posting recently. This past week has been filled with commitments i've been tied down to. But as i mentioned to a dear sister who commented in the previous post, i'll do an update for you tonight inshaAllah!
Well, i want to clear my phone (which i haven't used for mooonnnthhs but have now begun using) of the videos saved in its memory from tiiime back! i thought i'll upload them here :)
So, here's the first one. Its a beautiful recitation of the Qur'an from a program that i attended in a mosque in Germany. It begun with this recitation.
Saturday, 14 July 2012
Part VI - The Decision
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Salaams everyone! Once more, a huge thank you to all my dear brothers and sisters who take the time to read through these thoughts :) and a biiig thank you to all of you who have shared, tweeted and liked these posts. in the beginning i was afraid i would get a lot of haters hating... but my dear friends have given me the best feedback; your encouragement is really invaluable to me. i appreciate every one of you; may Allah keep you shining like the stars xxx
Last time we left off after the first 'meeting'. After the initial convo, it had settled in my heart that next conversation i would just ask the questions that mattered and that's it. If the answers from the sister would be acceptable to me, i would go ahead. And if not, then we would respectfully part. Simple :)
For me, i truly and honestly believed that if she had the same aim in life as me, then everything else would fall into place. Location didn't matter, ethnicity didn't matter, family didn't matter. If her aim in life was to near Allah, and mine was the same, then nothing else mattered... after all, what is marriage except another step towards Allah swt?
So the next time she was online, we spoke once more... the first and the last time before going ahead with it. Unfortunately a lot of our dear brothers and sisters think that it takes months or even years to 'know' someone well enough... but for me, if i knew that she honestly wanted to near Allah as her aim in life, and sincerely strove for this, then i knew her well enough! i mean, her favourite colour, family history, pastime hobbies... didn't really seem at all related to marriage. What difference would these make when our aim is the same?
i think i had five questions that i asked in total, of which only 1 or 2 were actually important for me. The first question i asked was 'what is your aim in life?', and this was the most important question ever, on which everything about the future depended. When i typed these words, i had in my mind: 'my aim in life is to gain nearness to Allah' and i knew that if she answered with this reply then that would mean that 85% definitely going to marry this sister. After a few moments, i saw the reply appear on the screen: 'to gain nearness to Allah' - the exact reply that i had in myself at that moment, i saw those words on the screen before me. i guess that was the deciding moment. i also asked if relocating would be a problem for the sister, though i said that i would not force her to move if she did not want to. However, she said that relocating would not be a problem for her and she would move wherever i went - i'd already mentioned my future plans to her.
So, after that - as strange as it may seem, and as strange as it did seem to me at the time! - i realised that i really didn't need to speak any longer! i knew all i needed to know. There was no reason not to go ahead with this now. She agreed and i agreed. i asked her: do you think we would need to speak again? and, interestingly enough, her answer was the same as mine: no, i don't think that will be necessary.
We agreed on a date when i would be in Germany that we could meet, and stopped speaking. Straight after that conversation, after months of certainty that if such a sister would be present, i would definitely marry her, after those heartfelt du'as to Allah begging Him for this and constantly turning with tearful eyes to the holy progeny (a) for help in this matter... after all this, when we had finally agreed on a date, a panic overcame me. Oh My God: MARRIAGE?!! am i really ready? i'm so young! how do i know this is the right thing? Am i ready? Am i rushing into it? Maybe i need more time. Maybe i should call it off...
Salaams everyone! Once more, a huge thank you to all my dear brothers and sisters who take the time to read through these thoughts :) and a biiig thank you to all of you who have shared, tweeted and liked these posts. in the beginning i was afraid i would get a lot of haters hating... but my dear friends have given me the best feedback; your encouragement is really invaluable to me. i appreciate every one of you; may Allah keep you shining like the stars xxx
Last time we left off after the first 'meeting'. After the initial convo, it had settled in my heart that next conversation i would just ask the questions that mattered and that's it. If the answers from the sister would be acceptable to me, i would go ahead. And if not, then we would respectfully part. Simple :)
For me, i truly and honestly believed that if she had the same aim in life as me, then everything else would fall into place. Location didn't matter, ethnicity didn't matter, family didn't matter. If her aim in life was to near Allah, and mine was the same, then nothing else mattered... after all, what is marriage except another step towards Allah swt?
So the next time she was online, we spoke once more... the first and the last time before going ahead with it. Unfortunately a lot of our dear brothers and sisters think that it takes months or even years to 'know' someone well enough... but for me, if i knew that she honestly wanted to near Allah as her aim in life, and sincerely strove for this, then i knew her well enough! i mean, her favourite colour, family history, pastime hobbies... didn't really seem at all related to marriage. What difference would these make when our aim is the same?
i think i had five questions that i asked in total, of which only 1 or 2 were actually important for me. The first question i asked was 'what is your aim in life?', and this was the most important question ever, on which everything about the future depended. When i typed these words, i had in my mind: 'my aim in life is to gain nearness to Allah' and i knew that if she answered with this reply then that would mean that 85% definitely going to marry this sister. After a few moments, i saw the reply appear on the screen: 'to gain nearness to Allah' - the exact reply that i had in myself at that moment, i saw those words on the screen before me. i guess that was the deciding moment. i also asked if relocating would be a problem for the sister, though i said that i would not force her to move if she did not want to. However, she said that relocating would not be a problem for her and she would move wherever i went - i'd already mentioned my future plans to her.
So, after that - as strange as it may seem, and as strange as it did seem to me at the time! - i realised that i really didn't need to speak any longer! i knew all i needed to know. There was no reason not to go ahead with this now. She agreed and i agreed. i asked her: do you think we would need to speak again? and, interestingly enough, her answer was the same as mine: no, i don't think that will be necessary.
We agreed on a date when i would be in Germany that we could meet, and stopped speaking. Straight after that conversation, after months of certainty that if such a sister would be present, i would definitely marry her, after those heartfelt du'as to Allah begging Him for this and constantly turning with tearful eyes to the holy progeny (a) for help in this matter... after all this, when we had finally agreed on a date, a panic overcame me. Oh My God: MARRIAGE?!! am i really ready? i'm so young! how do i know this is the right thing? Am i ready? Am i rushing into it? Maybe i need more time. Maybe i should call it off...
Friday, 13 July 2012
Part V - The First 'Meeting'
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Salams brothers and sisters. Last time we got to the point where i agreed to be in contact with this sister who the brother had suggested. So he gave me her email and i emailed her. i was opne about everything. Sure, it can be a little nerve racking at first because you're speaking to a non Mahram. Feeling nervous is completelt normal at this point. But you know its what you have to do because you're heart has spoken!
A humble piece of advice: be completely open about your intentions; you're doing something extremely loved by Allah so why should you worry? Don't try to cover your thoughts and feelings with humour or sarcasm - how would you feel if the other did that to you? You want them to be completely open with you, right? So be the same with her/him. If they don't want to go ahead or dislike something, you want them to tell you, so be the same with them. From day 1, make it clear that you'd like him/her to be completely honest and open about everything with you, and not to hold back because of shyness. Because honesty is soooooo important, esp when it comes to this, right? ;) Also, don't wait for the other to take the first step or 'break the ice' - you be the one to initiate it. Remember the other can't read your mind just as you can't read theirs, so just say what you're thinking or feeling no matter how stupid you think it may appear to be; if they're worth it, they will never laugh or look down on you for that. Rather, your relationship will be solidified due to being founded on such honesty if you decide to go ahead, and you will know for sure if this person isn't compatible with you instead of being in doubt about it.
So i told her, its my first time and i do feel a little nervous, but trusting in God, i would like to speak to you to consider if we would be compatible for marriage. And she replied the same way to my email. Soon we spoke [through messenger] online. It was the first time i was conversing like this with a non mahram, so i was just baffled about what to say really. i don't remember what we spoke about, but it wasn't really what i wanted to get out of it. Because it was the first time.
However, after the first convo, i realized that i just needed to ask the q's that mattered to me - that's it. So for next time we spoke, i decided that i would do just that.
Salams brothers and sisters. Last time we got to the point where i agreed to be in contact with this sister who the brother had suggested. So he gave me her email and i emailed her. i was opne about everything. Sure, it can be a little nerve racking at first because you're speaking to a non Mahram. Feeling nervous is completelt normal at this point. But you know its what you have to do because you're heart has spoken!
A humble piece of advice: be completely open about your intentions; you're doing something extremely loved by Allah so why should you worry? Don't try to cover your thoughts and feelings with humour or sarcasm - how would you feel if the other did that to you? You want them to be completely open with you, right? So be the same with her/him. If they don't want to go ahead or dislike something, you want them to tell you, so be the same with them. From day 1, make it clear that you'd like him/her to be completely honest and open about everything with you, and not to hold back because of shyness. Because honesty is soooooo important, esp when it comes to this, right? ;) Also, don't wait for the other to take the first step or 'break the ice' - you be the one to initiate it. Remember the other can't read your mind just as you can't read theirs, so just say what you're thinking or feeling no matter how stupid you think it may appear to be; if they're worth it, they will never laugh or look down on you for that. Rather, your relationship will be solidified due to being founded on such honesty if you decide to go ahead, and you will know for sure if this person isn't compatible with you instead of being in doubt about it.
So i told her, its my first time and i do feel a little nervous, but trusting in God, i would like to speak to you to consider if we would be compatible for marriage. And she replied the same way to my email. Soon we spoke [through messenger] online. It was the first time i was conversing like this with a non mahram, so i was just baffled about what to say really. i don't remember what we spoke about, but it wasn't really what i wanted to get out of it. Because it was the first time.
However, after the first convo, i realized that i just needed to ask the q's that mattered to me - that's it. So for next time we spoke, i decided that i would do just that.
Wednesday, 11 July 2012
Part IV - The Answer To My Prayers...?
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Salaaaaams everyone! It's 00:11 and i'm back. i thought i would go straight to bed tonight - even fell asleep on the underground - but my mum offered to make me green tea (i'm not really a huge fan of normal tea) and i accepted. waiting for it to cool down, so thought i would grab this opportunity!
Last time i wrote about how i was sure that if i found the right person, then marriage would definitely be the right step. Now all that was missing was that person... mmmm, green tea with honey really is nice you know, aah... alhamdulillah!
Right, back on track! Okay, so this condition of mine (with my soul yearning and my heart seeking God's help through Ahlulbayt) continued for some months. During this time, i remember telling my dad. Unfortunately, till quite recently i wasn't too close to my dad. And that was my fault. However, some time back i asked Allah to replace my anger with mercy, my harshness with kindness and to make me a mercy to my parents and not a punishment. And brothers and sisters, how can Allah reject such a du'a? Ask from your heart... He will answer you.
i remember it was on a drive down back to our house in London (with my dad driving and me in the front passenger seat). No one else was in the car. It was night, on the motorway. i thought i should tell my dad about my desire to get married because as i mentioned it was my biggest wish at the time, and something that my heart was really pulling me towards. So i told him... awkward times! i don't remember exactly how i brought it about but it was one of the ones where you gradually bring it up to soothe them into it -lol!- rather than the abrupt ones, if you know what i mean! He listened as i was speaking, and then i asked him if he knew anyone though i doubted he would do. He was surprised that i asked him - he said: 'me?' and i said yeah :) but he didn't know anyone.
With my mum it was different, because i've always been really close with her since childhood. She already knew that i did want to marry early and mashaAllah i've been blessed with a mother that has always supported me every step of the way in this regard. In fact, not only was she okay with it, she was overjoyed that her son would want to follow the guidelines of Islam, all of which are, of course, in complete harmony with human nature (Fitrah).
Have My Prayers Just Been Answered...?
For those of you who know me, i've probably mentioned to you that a lot of my mum's family live in Germany. Because of this, i go there from time to time, to visit my family. As one of my uncles is quite active in the community there, arranging spiritual programs for Muslim youth in the German language, they have a really tight group of friends. Due to sleep overs and spending time with them, some of the brothers i met there have become some of the few true friends that i do have. The sincerity, piety and love i have seen in them... is something no words can do justice to.
Anyway, i knew this one brother who was really well known amongst the Muslim community there, a brother who had helped me previously by listening to all the emotions that i had bottled inside me at a previous time of depression, who had been like a brother to me; he never spoke down to me, but came down to my level. He never shouted at me, even when others had done. He sympathized with me, he seemed to understand... as such, i was completely open to him about everything. Even though we didn't speak regularly or anything but i always felt that there was nothing i couldn't speak to him about.
Apart from my parents, he was the only person i really approached about this. i knew that due to Islamic activism he knew a lot of practicing sisters as well as brothers, because all of the programs arranged included sisters as well as brothers. So i asked him if he knew any sisters who he thought would be compatible for me to consider. This was whilst speaking on the phone - i was at our house in London at the time. He came back to me asap and told me that he knew three sisters! Allahu Akbar! Allahu Akbar! LOL!!!
He mentioned that one of the sisters would want to continue her education before 'tying the knot'. However another sister wanted to get married as soon as possible, as i did. Also, he said that this particular sister seemed to have similar ideas to me, and we seemed somewhat similar. Because you have to start somewhere, i said that yes i would like to be in contact with her when i was asked if my email could be given to her and hers to mine for us to speak directly.
Salaaaaams everyone! It's 00:11 and i'm back. i thought i would go straight to bed tonight - even fell asleep on the underground - but my mum offered to make me green tea (i'm not really a huge fan of normal tea) and i accepted. waiting for it to cool down, so thought i would grab this opportunity!
Last time i wrote about how i was sure that if i found the right person, then marriage would definitely be the right step. Now all that was missing was that person... mmmm, green tea with honey really is nice you know, aah... alhamdulillah!
Right, back on track! Okay, so this condition of mine (with my soul yearning and my heart seeking God's help through Ahlulbayt) continued for some months. During this time, i remember telling my dad. Unfortunately, till quite recently i wasn't too close to my dad. And that was my fault. However, some time back i asked Allah to replace my anger with mercy, my harshness with kindness and to make me a mercy to my parents and not a punishment. And brothers and sisters, how can Allah reject such a du'a? Ask from your heart... He will answer you.
i remember it was on a drive down back to our house in London (with my dad driving and me in the front passenger seat). No one else was in the car. It was night, on the motorway. i thought i should tell my dad about my desire to get married because as i mentioned it was my biggest wish at the time, and something that my heart was really pulling me towards. So i told him... awkward times! i don't remember exactly how i brought it about but it was one of the ones where you gradually bring it up to soothe them into it -lol!- rather than the abrupt ones, if you know what i mean! He listened as i was speaking, and then i asked him if he knew anyone though i doubted he would do. He was surprised that i asked him - he said: 'me?' and i said yeah :) but he didn't know anyone.
With my mum it was different, because i've always been really close with her since childhood. She already knew that i did want to marry early and mashaAllah i've been blessed with a mother that has always supported me every step of the way in this regard. In fact, not only was she okay with it, she was overjoyed that her son would want to follow the guidelines of Islam, all of which are, of course, in complete harmony with human nature (Fitrah).
For those of you who know me, i've probably mentioned to you that a lot of my mum's family live in Germany. Because of this, i go there from time to time, to visit my family. As one of my uncles is quite active in the community there, arranging spiritual programs for Muslim youth in the German language, they have a really tight group of friends. Due to sleep overs and spending time with them, some of the brothers i met there have become some of the few true friends that i do have. The sincerity, piety and love i have seen in them... is something no words can do justice to.
Anyway, i knew this one brother who was really well known amongst the Muslim community there, a brother who had helped me previously by listening to all the emotions that i had bottled inside me at a previous time of depression, who had been like a brother to me; he never spoke down to me, but came down to my level. He never shouted at me, even when others had done. He sympathized with me, he seemed to understand... as such, i was completely open to him about everything. Even though we didn't speak regularly or anything but i always felt that there was nothing i couldn't speak to him about.
Apart from my parents, he was the only person i really approached about this. i knew that due to Islamic activism he knew a lot of practicing sisters as well as brothers, because all of the programs arranged included sisters as well as brothers. So i asked him if he knew any sisters who he thought would be compatible for me to consider. This was whilst speaking on the phone - i was at our house in London at the time. He came back to me asap and told me that he knew three sisters! Allahu Akbar! Allahu Akbar! LOL!!!
He mentioned that one of the sisters would want to continue her education before 'tying the knot'. However another sister wanted to get married as soon as possible, as i did. Also, he said that this particular sister seemed to have similar ideas to me, and we seemed somewhat similar. Because you have to start somewhere, i said that yes i would like to be in contact with her when i was asked if my email could be given to her and hers to mine for us to speak directly.
Monday, 9 July 2012
Misconceptions - Part I
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Its probably worth clarifying some common misconceptions at this point. As i mentioned in the first post, expect controversy! Once again, this is a blog and not a Risalah. These views are mine. If they are acceptable to your heart, then accept them. And if they are not, then pay them no heed :)
Marriage is not a business transaction
Doesn't really take a genius to figure that one out... or does it? Judging from the marriage advertisements (and yes, they are advertisements), a lot of the Muslim community have either mistaken marriage with buying a car or the Ummah is comprised of a proportionally high number of doofuses.
You are not the royal family
You know the ones where the dad agrees for his daughter to marry his best mate's son (usually happens 'back home') - them ones. i mean COME ON! What's wrong with you people?! Its your son/daughter who is getting married, not you. It's fine for you to help out (if they want you to) but you have no right to apply even the slightest pressure on them to choose someone because you like them, or rather, because you like their family.
Marriage is not all about you
Brothers, marriage is not about having a servant to cook for you. You know, in Islam, cooking, cleaning and housework... are not the wife's responsibility. As such, you have no right to expect these from your wife, just as she doesn't have the right to expect them from you. You may negotiate and come to some sort of agreement with one another about these minor issues. And yes, they are minors. And if you think otherwise, then i'm sorry to tell you but you've lost the plot :s please visit a graveyard and reconnect with Allah. Thank you.
Aside from this, 'find me a wife' is a phrase oft-repeated amongst brothers. Hmmmm... you know, women are flowers. Just as you need to be respected, she needs to be loved. Please remember that marriage is not about receiving only, but also about giving. Just as you have needs, so does your partner. Just as you are hurt by harsh words, so is your partner. Just as you have things in life that you can't stand, so does your partner... and that's part of the beauty of marriage. It almost 'forces' you into Jihad Al-Akbar, into eradicating your vices and becoming a complete human being. According to Hadith, Allah perfects our Akhlaq through marriage :)
Marriage should be a competition where each partner competes to serve the other for the pleasure of Allah.
Your dowry is not your price tag
If it was, then Lady Fatumah [a] would have had the highest dowry. But what was her dowry...?
Sisters, you're priceless. Don't attach a price to yourself. Parents, imposing a high dowry for your daughters is against Islamic morality and the teachings of the holy prophet [s] and his household. Please, keep it nice and simple! If the brother is pious, he will look after the sister no matter how little her dowry may be.
Marriage Vs Wedding
In Islam, there is the Nikah (sometimes known as 'execution' - joking!) which is when two people become husband and wife. Then, there is a recommended practice called 'Walimah', which is basically a reception where you hold a dinner for everyone. There are no 'Henna parties' and 'engagements' in Islam. When you recite the verses that make you husband and wife then that's it, you are husband and wife in the eyes of Allah. Of course, its fine if you decide to have another function to announce it publicly later, but keep it Halal please. And i don't mean the food!
Being single is NOT fun
Brothers and sisters, please don't lie to yourselves. You do not 'enjoy' being single. Spending your evenings doing Shisha, your nights watching Prison Break and getting gassed on 'jams' where you basically waste away your life... then convincing yourself you're living it up... you so need to get married :s
Unfortunately, because our communities are plagued with materialistic, backward trends of thought, the general conception is that you live it up while your young, enjoy yourself with your friends, have all the fun you can, then when you're half way through your life, begin thinking about 'settling down', getting married and having a family.
But think about it this way: get married young: double the fun, double the enjoyment, double the memories! Seriously, it's true. Imagine finding your partner during your youth, and sharing your entire lifetime together... instead of becoming set in your own ways, and then having to put up with someone different to you. When you're young, you're character is soft and easy to change. You can easily change your habits. Compromising and self-sacrifice are essential for marriage, so what better time to embark on this adventure than when you are young?
Also, your partner can be your friend. Why so many of our parents look at their spouses as a burden, i have no idea... but it's heartbreaking. Imagine having a friend who is always with you. In high times, in low times: laughing with you, crying with you, praying with you, working with you, travelling with you, and after a long day, lying beside you.
Imagine going to a remote place together and lying on the grass at night and gazing at the stars. Or watching the sun go down over the sea, its mystical orange rays covering the horizons, as you hold each other close. Or praying Fajr together when everyone else is sleeping... not that is the life!
Its probably worth clarifying some common misconceptions at this point. As i mentioned in the first post, expect controversy! Once again, this is a blog and not a Risalah. These views are mine. If they are acceptable to your heart, then accept them. And if they are not, then pay them no heed :)
Marriage is not a business transaction
Doesn't really take a genius to figure that one out... or does it? Judging from the marriage advertisements (and yes, they are advertisements), a lot of the Muslim community have either mistaken marriage with buying a car or the Ummah is comprised of a proportionally high number of doofuses.
You are not the royal family
You know the ones where the dad agrees for his daughter to marry his best mate's son (usually happens 'back home') - them ones. i mean COME ON! What's wrong with you people?! Its your son/daughter who is getting married, not you. It's fine for you to help out (if they want you to) but you have no right to apply even the slightest pressure on them to choose someone because you like them, or rather, because you like their family.
Marriage is not all about you
Brothers, marriage is not about having a servant to cook for you. You know, in Islam, cooking, cleaning and housework... are not the wife's responsibility. As such, you have no right to expect these from your wife, just as she doesn't have the right to expect them from you. You may negotiate and come to some sort of agreement with one another about these minor issues. And yes, they are minors. And if you think otherwise, then i'm sorry to tell you but you've lost the plot :s please visit a graveyard and reconnect with Allah. Thank you.
Aside from this, 'find me a wife' is a phrase oft-repeated amongst brothers. Hmmmm... you know, women are flowers. Just as you need to be respected, she needs to be loved. Please remember that marriage is not about receiving only, but also about giving. Just as you have needs, so does your partner. Just as you are hurt by harsh words, so is your partner. Just as you have things in life that you can't stand, so does your partner... and that's part of the beauty of marriage. It almost 'forces' you into Jihad Al-Akbar, into eradicating your vices and becoming a complete human being. According to Hadith, Allah perfects our Akhlaq through marriage :)
Marriage should be a competition where each partner competes to serve the other for the pleasure of Allah.
Your dowry is not your price tag
If it was, then Lady Fatumah [a] would have had the highest dowry. But what was her dowry...?
Sisters, you're priceless. Don't attach a price to yourself. Parents, imposing a high dowry for your daughters is against Islamic morality and the teachings of the holy prophet [s] and his household. Please, keep it nice and simple! If the brother is pious, he will look after the sister no matter how little her dowry may be.
Marriage Vs Wedding
In Islam, there is the Nikah (sometimes known as 'execution' - joking!) which is when two people become husband and wife. Then, there is a recommended practice called 'Walimah', which is basically a reception where you hold a dinner for everyone. There are no 'Henna parties' and 'engagements' in Islam. When you recite the verses that make you husband and wife then that's it, you are husband and wife in the eyes of Allah. Of course, its fine if you decide to have another function to announce it publicly later, but keep it Halal please. And i don't mean the food!
Being single is NOT fun
Brothers and sisters, please don't lie to yourselves. You do not 'enjoy' being single. Spending your evenings doing Shisha, your nights watching Prison Break and getting gassed on 'jams' where you basically waste away your life... then convincing yourself you're living it up... you so need to get married :s
Unfortunately, because our communities are plagued with materialistic, backward trends of thought, the general conception is that you live it up while your young, enjoy yourself with your friends, have all the fun you can, then when you're half way through your life, begin thinking about 'settling down', getting married and having a family.
But think about it this way: get married young: double the fun, double the enjoyment, double the memories! Seriously, it's true. Imagine finding your partner during your youth, and sharing your entire lifetime together... instead of becoming set in your own ways, and then having to put up with someone different to you. When you're young, you're character is soft and easy to change. You can easily change your habits. Compromising and self-sacrifice are essential for marriage, so what better time to embark on this adventure than when you are young?
Also, your partner can be your friend. Why so many of our parents look at their spouses as a burden, i have no idea... but it's heartbreaking. Imagine having a friend who is always with you. In high times, in low times: laughing with you, crying with you, praying with you, working with you, travelling with you, and after a long day, lying beside you.
Imagine going to a remote place together and lying on the grass at night and gazing at the stars. Or watching the sun go down over the sea, its mystical orange rays covering the horizons, as you hold each other close. Or praying Fajr together when everyone else is sleeping... not that is the life!
I can't look after myself. How will I look after someone else?
Another misconception that prevents our kind-hearted brothers and sisters from completing their Deen. May Allah bless these beautiful hearts which care for others. But my dear bro/sis, please remember that you will not only be looking after another person; the other person will also be looking after you. It's mutual: a two-way relationship, not a one man show!
Besides, who said that the day you say your Nikah is the day your parents and loved ones officially disown you?! Your mum and dad won't stop being your parents, nor will your siblings stop caring for you, and neither will your (real) friends desert you! Your community will still be your community, and those who genuinely care for you will always be there to help you with their love, care and advice whenever you need.
Part III - You Know What To Do!
786
Salaaaaaam to all my bros and sisters! Wow mashaAllah the Imam Mahdi (a) course with Br. Alex has been amazing. Really feel like my soul is being watered learning about our Imam, and i feel re-energised to continue striving to improve myself so that i can become worthy of being amongst the closest to him. Indeed, he is amongst us. He may be visiting our houses, sharing our meals, greeting us... but the vision of our hearts is blocked with sins, so we do not recognise him. Allahumma salli 3ala Mu7ammadin wa aali Mu7ammadin wa 3ajjil farajahum and may Allah make us amongst his most intimate lovers and trustworthy servants!
Amma ba3d (lol)
Firstly let me say that i reeeeeeaaaaaaaaallly appreciate all the positive feedback that you have given me. Messages, comments, likes on fb... not to mention the friends who have told me in person :) You're like the stars in the night sky for me; life wouldn't be the same without you!
Last time i wrote about my feelings and what was in my heart at the time. These feelings were really intense within me at the time. So much so that i knew for sure that i needed to find a pious spouse and there was no doubt at all about this within me. You know sometimes you just know something is right, even if you've never had experience of it. Your heart tells you its right. Always follow your heart. This is the voice of your Fitrah, which is 'the inward prophet' ; it is infallible, it knows what it needs; the prophets and Imams just remind us of this innate nature. As God says: 'The Fitrah of Allah that mankind has been fashioned upon'. All we have to do is to be true to ourselves...
i had previously read up about what Islam says about marriage and i knew that early marriage was encouraged, that Allah increased one's sustenance due to marriage and that having a house, a well paying job, a car etc etc was utterly irrelevant.
The only thing was that it is a wife's right that her husband provides for her. This is found in Islam. i knew that i wasn't in a position to provide for her if we lived together as i was still in high school. However, the way i see it is like this: it is soooooooooo encouraged to get married - and to get married early - in Islam, to the extent that the sleep of a married person is more beloved to Allah than the night-rising and fasting during the day of a single person! So, imagine you have two choices:
1. Marry this person now, whilst living with your own families and continue studying
2. Don't marry this person now, whilst living with your own families and continue studying
What would you do?
The difference is that in the first case, your emotional/spiritual needs will be fulfilled much more than in the second case. There's no compulsion to live together from day 1 and to have children within 6 months as some people seem to think lol. Take it easy! Enjoy every moment of life! As the prophet (s) said: be easy going! Life is great - why complicate it? :)
So i guess you've guessed that i opted for the first option ^^ the only thing now was to actually find that person... the biggest challenge that young, practicing brothers and sisters face in this society when it comes to marriage: how do you find a compatible spouse?
Salaaaaaam to all my bros and sisters! Wow mashaAllah the Imam Mahdi (a) course with Br. Alex has been amazing. Really feel like my soul is being watered learning about our Imam, and i feel re-energised to continue striving to improve myself so that i can become worthy of being amongst the closest to him. Indeed, he is amongst us. He may be visiting our houses, sharing our meals, greeting us... but the vision of our hearts is blocked with sins, so we do not recognise him. Allahumma salli 3ala Mu7ammadin wa aali Mu7ammadin wa 3ajjil farajahum and may Allah make us amongst his most intimate lovers and trustworthy servants!
Amma ba3d (lol)
Firstly let me say that i reeeeeeaaaaaaaaallly appreciate all the positive feedback that you have given me. Messages, comments, likes on fb... not to mention the friends who have told me in person :) You're like the stars in the night sky for me; life wouldn't be the same without you!
Last time i wrote about my feelings and what was in my heart at the time. These feelings were really intense within me at the time. So much so that i knew for sure that i needed to find a pious spouse and there was no doubt at all about this within me. You know sometimes you just know something is right, even if you've never had experience of it. Your heart tells you its right. Always follow your heart. This is the voice of your Fitrah, which is 'the inward prophet' ; it is infallible, it knows what it needs; the prophets and Imams just remind us of this innate nature. As God says: 'The Fitrah of Allah that mankind has been fashioned upon'. All we have to do is to be true to ourselves...
i had previously read up about what Islam says about marriage and i knew that early marriage was encouraged, that Allah increased one's sustenance due to marriage and that having a house, a well paying job, a car etc etc was utterly irrelevant.
The only thing was that it is a wife's right that her husband provides for her. This is found in Islam. i knew that i wasn't in a position to provide for her if we lived together as i was still in high school. However, the way i see it is like this: it is soooooooooo encouraged to get married - and to get married early - in Islam, to the extent that the sleep of a married person is more beloved to Allah than the night-rising and fasting during the day of a single person! So, imagine you have two choices:
1. Marry this person now, whilst living with your own families and continue studying
2. Don't marry this person now, whilst living with your own families and continue studying
What would you do?
The difference is that in the first case, your emotional/spiritual needs will be fulfilled much more than in the second case. There's no compulsion to live together from day 1 and to have children within 6 months as some people seem to think lol. Take it easy! Enjoy every moment of life! As the prophet (s) said: be easy going! Life is great - why complicate it? :)
So i guess you've guessed that i opted for the first option ^^ the only thing now was to actually find that person... the biggest challenge that young, practicing brothers and sisters face in this society when it comes to marriage: how do you find a compatible spouse?
Sunday, 8 July 2012
Ahlulbayt Don't Belong To You!
786
This isn't related to the previous series of posts. Just want to put my feelings out there.
i find it really upsetting how people try to hijack Ahlulbayt (as) and say they're exclusively for Shi'ahs. That's like projecting our own egos onto the most purified beings in existence. Ahlulbayt (as) are for all humanity, angels, animals, fish, plants; everything in creation.
Look at the lives of the previous Imams of Ahlulbayt. Look at the life of Lady Fatimah. Look at the life of the holy prophet Muhammad (s), who, in the words of God, is nothing except 'a mercy to the worlds'. Oh you who claim to have exclusive ownership of Ahlulbayt! Can you provide a single incident throughout 1400 years of Islamic history where Ahlulbayt turned away someone because they did not believe in them?
On the contrary, enemies and haters receive nothing but compassion from this household. It's a disgrace for us to consider ourselves their followers. They are mercy. If we were actually connected to them, that mercy would flow through our hearts to the rest of creation. No anger, hatred, jealousy, ego or negativity would exist in such a heart, and when i find these within myself, i realize that i have disconnected myself from the household of purity, and need to connect once more.
God help all of us. Salaam :)
This isn't related to the previous series of posts. Just want to put my feelings out there.
i find it really upsetting how people try to hijack Ahlulbayt (as) and say they're exclusively for Shi'ahs. That's like projecting our own egos onto the most purified beings in existence. Ahlulbayt (as) are for all humanity, angels, animals, fish, plants; everything in creation.
Look at the lives of the previous Imams of Ahlulbayt. Look at the life of Lady Fatimah. Look at the life of the holy prophet Muhammad (s), who, in the words of God, is nothing except 'a mercy to the worlds'. Oh you who claim to have exclusive ownership of Ahlulbayt! Can you provide a single incident throughout 1400 years of Islamic history where Ahlulbayt turned away someone because they did not believe in them?
On the contrary, enemies and haters receive nothing but compassion from this household. It's a disgrace for us to consider ourselves their followers. They are mercy. If we were actually connected to them, that mercy would flow through our hearts to the rest of creation. No anger, hatred, jealousy, ego or negativity would exist in such a heart, and when i find these within myself, i realize that i have disconnected myself from the household of purity, and need to connect once more.
God help all of us. Salaam :)
Saturday, 7 July 2012
Part II - Something Missing
786
Thank you to all my bros and sisters for the 'likes' and the beautiful words... got me bare gassed lol! Seriously, its the first time i'm writing about myself so openly so to tell you the truth i was kinda nervous. But your encouragement has given me the motivation and hype to continue. Thank you God for such beautiful friends! Thank you all soooo much!!
Okayy, so where were we? Now that the intro's done, let's get stuck in!
After i returned from Ziyarat to the holy shrines of Ahlulbayt (as), i felt very much alone. i knew that no one understood me. i knew i was on a journey, a journey to God, with Ahlulbayt (as) as my parents who watered my soul with their love and affection. i would talk to them a lot and feel their presence. For i believe that they are alive and we are dead and we seek life through them. The place you become intimate with them is your heart. Nowhere else.
i began feeling like i needed someone in my life. i needed a companion to travel with. This was a huge emotional/spiritual need that i felt lacking in my heart. Did i know any pious sisters i could consider? Well, there were some sisters who i didn't know anything about except that their covering Hijab was good and they seemed like decent people. After all, i was never the type to hang around girls; how would i have proper deep info about sisters?! i did think about considering these sisters to myself, but never really approached any of them. i felt like i needed someone to really understand me, on a deeper level. Someone who had the same direction and the same aim. i wanted someone who would be next to me in everything i did.
So i turned to Ahlulbayt (as). i'm not acting pious but i have to tell the truth. i would turn to Allah with the wasilah of the Ahlulbayt (as) constantly, every night, and with my heart cry out: please send me someone! please place the person in my life! i would tell Ahlulbayt (as) whatever was in my heart. And this was one of the biggest things in my heart at the time.
So this was probably the biggest thing going through my self at the time. It wasn't due to desires that i really wanted to 'tie the knot' (lol!), but because of this emptiness that i knew was due to not being married. It's not for no reason that its 'half your seen' now is it?
Personally, i had a strong belief that if the sister has 3 qualities, nothing else matters and everything will fall into place. These are that she (1) has the same aim in life as me (2) has a desire to improve herself (3) does the basic Wajibat, practices what she knows.
i would never consider someone with a lot of 'knowledge' about Islam who doesn't feel the need to improve herself. But i knew that if i met someone who did not know much, but sincerely practiced what she did know, i would definitely consider her. Sincerity, sincerity...
Did i try Muslim marriage websites? Well, yeah, i tried. Until i realized that the minimum age to join was 18 -_-
Btw, you know you're Muslim when you have 'singlemuslim.com' ads coming at you whenever you're on youtube. Don't know how that's related but thought i would share it anyway. lol - randomness!
Thank you to all my bros and sisters for the 'likes' and the beautiful words... got me bare gassed lol! Seriously, its the first time i'm writing about myself so openly so to tell you the truth i was kinda nervous. But your encouragement has given me the motivation and hype to continue. Thank you God for such beautiful friends! Thank you all soooo much!!
Okayy, so where were we? Now that the intro's done, let's get stuck in!
After i returned from Ziyarat to the holy shrines of Ahlulbayt (as), i felt very much alone. i knew that no one understood me. i knew i was on a journey, a journey to God, with Ahlulbayt (as) as my parents who watered my soul with their love and affection. i would talk to them a lot and feel their presence. For i believe that they are alive and we are dead and we seek life through them. The place you become intimate with them is your heart. Nowhere else.
i began feeling like i needed someone in my life. i needed a companion to travel with. This was a huge emotional/spiritual need that i felt lacking in my heart. Did i know any pious sisters i could consider? Well, there were some sisters who i didn't know anything about except that their covering Hijab was good and they seemed like decent people. After all, i was never the type to hang around girls; how would i have proper deep info about sisters?! i did think about considering these sisters to myself, but never really approached any of them. i felt like i needed someone to really understand me, on a deeper level. Someone who had the same direction and the same aim. i wanted someone who would be next to me in everything i did.
So i turned to Ahlulbayt (as). i'm not acting pious but i have to tell the truth. i would turn to Allah with the wasilah of the Ahlulbayt (as) constantly, every night, and with my heart cry out: please send me someone! please place the person in my life! i would tell Ahlulbayt (as) whatever was in my heart. And this was one of the biggest things in my heart at the time.
So this was probably the biggest thing going through my self at the time. It wasn't due to desires that i really wanted to 'tie the knot' (lol!), but because of this emptiness that i knew was due to not being married. It's not for no reason that its 'half your seen' now is it?
Personally, i had a strong belief that if the sister has 3 qualities, nothing else matters and everything will fall into place. These are that she (1) has the same aim in life as me (2) has a desire to improve herself (3) does the basic Wajibat, practices what she knows.
i would never consider someone with a lot of 'knowledge' about Islam who doesn't feel the need to improve herself. But i knew that if i met someone who did not know much, but sincerely practiced what she did know, i would definitely consider her. Sincerity, sincerity...
Did i try Muslim marriage websites? Well, yeah, i tried. Until i realized that the minimum age to join was 18 -_-
Btw, you know you're Muslim when you have 'singlemuslim.com' ads coming at you whenever you're on youtube. Don't know how that's related but thought i would share it anyway. lol - randomness!
Part I - The Intro
786
i said i would write up some advice and experiences. So here it goes. i'll be talking/writing about marriage in the Muslim community, a VERY hot topic, especially amongst the single Muslim youth (including the ones who act like they're cool staying single, but secretly browse profiles on singlemuslim.com when no one's looking - don't worry, you're secret's safe with me!). These are my thoughts, feelings and opinions (no longer shall i suppress them!) so expect controversy. It's called a blog, not a Risalah. There's a reason for that. Welcome to my world :)
So i got married when i was 16. No, it wasn't forced, arranged or family pressure. Twas i, my own decision, understanding, my own journey. And that's what i'd like to share with you.
But first, i'm obliged to thank those who stood by me on this journey, every step of the way. Those who understood and listened when no one else was there, and without whom i would never have been where i am today.
So Allah, i want to thank You for always being there for me, for guiding me, for helping me, for being there for me when no one else was. No words can ever be enough ya Rabbi :( i love You so much and i'm sorry for letting you down again and again... yet you never let me down even once. Oh Allah, please forgive me, forgive my brothers and sisters, and guide our steps and be our intimate companion in the brightness of the day and the darkness of the night.
And a huge thank you to the ones who guided me along the way, listened to me, responded and stood by me every step of the way. Ahlulbayt, thank you for everything. Allahumma salli 3ala Mu7ammadin wa aali Mu7ammad. You're the best friends anyone could wish for.
And thank you to all the lovely brothers and sisters who support me, help me, and make me smile :) If only you knew how much you mean to me...
Emotional times... where's the tissue box...
i said i would write up some advice and experiences. So here it goes. i'll be talking/writing about marriage in the Muslim community, a VERY hot topic, especially amongst the single Muslim youth (including the ones who act like they're cool staying single, but secretly browse profiles on singlemuslim.com when no one's looking - don't worry, you're secret's safe with me!). These are my thoughts, feelings and opinions (no longer shall i suppress them!) so expect controversy. It's called a blog, not a Risalah. There's a reason for that. Welcome to my world :)
So i got married when i was 16. No, it wasn't forced, arranged or family pressure. Twas i, my own decision, understanding, my own journey. And that's what i'd like to share with you.
But first, i'm obliged to thank those who stood by me on this journey, every step of the way. Those who understood and listened when no one else was there, and without whom i would never have been where i am today.
So Allah, i want to thank You for always being there for me, for guiding me, for helping me, for being there for me when no one else was. No words can ever be enough ya Rabbi :( i love You so much and i'm sorry for letting you down again and again... yet you never let me down even once. Oh Allah, please forgive me, forgive my brothers and sisters, and guide our steps and be our intimate companion in the brightness of the day and the darkness of the night.
And a huge thank you to the ones who guided me along the way, listened to me, responded and stood by me every step of the way. Ahlulbayt, thank you for everything. Allahumma salli 3ala Mu7ammadin wa aali Mu7ammad. You're the best friends anyone could wish for.
And thank you to all the lovely brothers and sisters who support me, help me, and make me smile :) If only you knew how much you mean to me...
Emotional times... where's the tissue box...
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