HD Recording VS HD Spirituality

786

Salamun Alaikum dear brothers/ sisters! i pray you're well (Iman and health-wise).

Everything i say here is to myself before my dear brothers and sisters.

This is something i've been thinking about recently. You know back in the day, when they didn't have technology, sometimes i think that certain acts of worship had much more meaning. For examples, holding and attending Majaalis, gatherings, to remember and mourn over Imam Al-Hussain (a).

Allow me to explain...

Back in the day, due to the high lever of faith, Ma'rifah and love for Allah and His beloved ones, when a gathering of mourning for Imam Al-Hussain (a) would be held, the focus would be mourning Imam Al-Hussain (a).

It sounds kinda obvious that this is the aim, but sometimes it seems that today the aim is sometimes forgotten. As an organiser i'm worried about arranging food, decorating the venue, having high quality recording, how many people will attend...

i'm not saying these are bad things in and of themselves. But sometimes they become the focus. Hence a supreme act of spirituality that gives utmost peace to the heart turns into a stressful, laborious chore... or worse, an ego match and a competition...

'My Majlis', 'your Majlis', 'their Majlis'... what happened to 'Imam Hussain's Majlis'?

Did you know that there are two guests who attend every Majlis of Imam Al-Hussain (a)?

The first is the mother of Imam Al-Hussain (a), the lady of light, Fatimah Al-Zahra (a). And the second is none other than our living Imam, our loving Imam, our father, the one kept by Allah, Aba Salih Al-Mahdi (a).

Do you think these guests look at the food we cook or the banners we put up or the amount of people who attend?

The question every one of us must ask our self is 'who am i trying to please by holding this Majlis?'
If it is lady Fatimah, if it is our beloved Imam... then know that they look only at one thing: they look at your heart. Is this Majlis held out of love for my Hussain... or to compete with the neighbour? Is it out of genuine grief and a desire to mourn my beloved Hussain... or in order to boast about how many attended?

So, to my dear brother/sister whose heart is saddened for Imam Al-Hussain (a), whose eyes are wet for Imam Al-Hussain (a), who yearns to hold a Majlis for Imam Al-Hussain (a) but is worried about material issues (food, space, people etc)... follow your heart. Because this life is too short to do otherwise. This is not your Majlis. Leave the organisation to the real hosts of the Majlis. This is an opportunity for you to serve them. It is an honour. Do it out of love for them. Do Tawassul with them. And you will find them near to you, responding.

The Value Of A Tear - Traditions On Crying For Imam Al-Hussain (a)

Please remember me in your du'as!

Salaamun Alaikum.

Hawza Studies?! But You're Intelligent!!!

In the name of Allah

Salaamun Alaikum dear brothers and sisters. i pray that you are all in the best of Iman and health - yes, Iman comes before health :)

Soo, tonight i'd like to write up my feelings about why i want to study in Hawza. When people ask 'so which uni are you going to?' or 'how is your personal statement for ucas coming along?', they are often shocked to hear the reply 'well, actually i'm not going to university here' or - when i don't feel like explaining - 'yes, i haven't really finished it yet, but you know, there's still time!' (which technically still passes as telling the truth) :)

So i thought i would share my thoughts and feelings with my dear brothers and sisters - that's you! Feel loved please :)

In an attempt to present myself as being organised i'll number the reasons, though they're all different ways of saying the same thing, or in more spiritual terminology: they are all manifestations of the same reality.

Reason 1 - Life's Too Short
Yes. Life is too short! Some people have said: look, people have a bad view of Islamic scholars, they view them as uneducated. If you go to uni here, have a secular degree, and then go to Hawza, you will be able to show them that this is not the case. To this i answer (to myself, of course - not to the person saying this; at the time i just smile politely): i am not going to take out three years of my life doing something i don't want to to in order to prove something to people who are ignorant. This is my life. God gave it to me. i don't feel i need to spend it proving anything to anyone. i never expect anyone else to spend even a day of their life the way i want - i leave them to it... their life, their choices. My life, my choice.

Reason 2 - Peoples' Opinions Do Not Matter

Contrary to popular belief, peoples' opinions do not matter. They mean nothing at all. The only 'opinion' that has value is Allah's. That's it. And as a Muslim, He is the Only One we consider worthy of servitude. For a Muslim, everything revolves around Allah. We are created to worship Allah (by which we increase our capacity to receive His love, light and nearness to Him). That's it. i don't need a second opinion and neither do you! The only time anyone's opinion has value is when it is based on Allah. Everyone should ask themselves: will this decision near me to Him or not? It is subjective. Everyone is different. Just be honest to yourself. A friend of mine once said: if you're not honest to yourself, even God won't forgive you. That's deep.

Reason 3 - This Is What I Want!

Going to Hawza is what i want to do. Why? Well, i want to know what the Ahlulbayt (as) have said! i want to know their beautiful sayings. i want to learn about them, so i can know them better, so i can be closer to them! That's more than enough of a reason to make a decision!!! 

So why not do Hawza studies in the UK? Well, there's more than the reason i just mentioned. The other reason is, very simply, that in the holy cities i feel a greater sense of spirituality due to the presence of the holy shrine. No words can describe what it is like to live and study by one of the houses of Rasulallah (s). That's not a small thing. That's crazy, out of this world. For some, this is not a worthy reason. But for me, it is settling by the sanctuary of my parents, the holy prophet (s) and his immaculate household. That is, once more, more than enough of a reason, if not the greatest of reasons.

Reason 4 - Self Building

This is what it's all about. 124000 prophets were sent for this reasons: to show people how to become human beings. Self building. This is what the prophets and their successors (as) lived, breathed, died to convey to humanity. And they conveyed it through being the perfect human beings, the perfect examples, as well as being guides on this path. In Allah's eyes, if you do this, you are successful. You could be a fisherman earning 20p a day in Bangladesh, but you are the most successful person on the face of this earth; why? because 'surely successful is the one who purifies it [his/her soul]'. This is real success. Anything else is meaningless. 

But can't self building be done anywhere, even in the West? 

Definitely. Absolutely. 100%! But self building is all about our decisions and choices, right? So for example, do i choose to wake up to pray Fajr or do i choose to put the alarm on snooze? Do i choose to look or lower my gaze? These are the choices that result in the purification or darkening of the soul.

Same way, where to study is a choice. And i personally felt that studying in an Islamic seminary in a holy city by a sacred shrine would be the best thing in my interest when it comes to self building. Because 1. performing Ziyarah of the holy prophet (s) and his household is a great means of purification 2. Being in an environment where everything reminds you of God, where the graffiti on the wall says 'allahumma salli ala muhammadin wa aali muhammad' as opposed to '.....', where billboards display posters of men of God rather than semi naked women... all of these may have an effect on the human soul. But for those who stay in the West for the sake of God, facing these challenges will only strengthen your faith and nearness to Allah 3. there is greater access to teachers of spirituality and ethics if i would like to seek advice. 

Reason 5 - Serving The Believers

This follows on directly from the previous point. i don't believe in going to Hawza, memorising Ahadith and then regurgitating them in a Majlis in London. No, not at all. Be the change. Change your self: the world will change. i want this to be a means of an internal change, of an increase in light in my soul, and i pray to Allah to make me a means by which this light is given to the believers. As a beloved brother of mine once said to me: we are nothing but wasilas for one another.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

5 is a good number :) so i think that's enough of me going on and on! i know that some will read this and say: this guy is stupid/deluded/pitiable/living in the clouds/dreaming/brainwashed... take your pick - the English language has no shortage of adjectives!

But there will always be someone who considers you to be this, no matter what you choose to do, no matter who you choose to become. There will be a circle who appreciates you and another that despises you. That's life. So what will you do? Will you live your life for others and be eternally unhappy? Or will you be true to yourself... and find real friends who love you for who you are, and not who they want you to be... the first of them being your Lord and the second being His prophet (s) and his household. The choice is yours. No one else's.

Thank you for read dear brother/sister. All that you need is within you. Always be true to yourself because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter. God is always with you. Ilal Liqa2! (till we meet again!) Salamun Alaikum :)

Thoughts On Gift Wrapping And Arba'een

786
Salaamun Alaikum world!!

Okay its been a while since i've posted something so i'm gonna post now :)
i've had quite a few thoughts over the last week and i've been like yeah i'm so gonna post this but when i've had the chance i was like nah not on it tbh lol but anywayyyy i'm here now but the problem is i can't seem to remember the thoughts i wanted to write up :S

Oh yeah! Just remembered, last week we went to an event organised by some loving brothers and sisters who will be visiting Karbala this Arba'een. So, they're taking presents with them for the orphans there. The event was open to everyone and gave us the opportunity to wrap the presents they will be taking, and also record a short message for the orphans there.

My feelings at the gift-wrapping? i loved it. When i saw the event on fb i said to myself: when do we ever get such an opportunity? It's such a beautiful feeling knowing that i myself am actually doing something physically - as small as it may be - that will put a smile on the face of an orphan this Arba'een. Wow, that's crazy... just out of this world. Alhamdulillah.

And it seems that brother Reza has just shared the video he put together with some of our messages to the orphans in Iraq who will receive these presents in the coming week, inshaAllah: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yz8of6WlBWo&feature=youtu.be

May Allah bless all the organisers greatly for their efforts!

And wow, subhanallah, SOO many people i know are visiting Karbala for Arba'een. It's beautiful, i feel so blessed that i know so many brothers/sisters personally who will be the guests of Imam Al-Hussain (a). i'm sure i know over ten brothers/sisters personally who will be making the journey, some have already begun!

But you know i think that perhaps one of the biggest problems we have is that we are too physical. We take things too physically. And when the Qur'an or holy prophet (s) and his progeny try and elevate us we say 'yeah, it's just metaphorical, not real'... but i think that it is us who are not being real. They are saying: 'open your eyes! see the beauty of who you are! enjoy your life! There's so much more than what you think!' yet we are satisfied in the darkness, having convinced ourself that there is no light. We get stressed over crap like exams and assignments for God's sake... honestly, we have problems, i include myself... and i ask Imam Mahdi to pray for us to take us out of this pathetic condition!

Soooo, i want to share something my dear brother Hussain Makke wrote that really touched my heart. This is not something sentimental. This is real. This is real. This is real. But if i want to close my eyes on the beautiful reality and insist that i desire death, stress, depression and darkness, then indeed 'there is no compulsion in religion; the right way has been made distinct from error'.

So i leave you with these beautiful words of light which pierce the material realm:

In Muharram if you think all you are doing is remembering him saying that call, you are mistaken. You are living that call. You are right there, as he cried this, screaming Labayka Ya Hussain with your fist in the air, because your allegiance transcends space and time. We don't just remember Karbala, we were there if we choose to be.

The last two times I visited Karbala I asked you all to forgive me and said goodbye. Though this time I still hope for your forgiveness, I won't say goodbye, because I understand it in a whole new way now.

My body is leaving for Iraq tomorrow.. To those of you who won't be able to take your bodies to Karbala for Arbaeen this year, that are longing to go so bad, that are seeing everyone's statuses leaving and wishing you could go with them: I know it must hurt and frustration may be taking you over, but you're coming too, if you want to. On the day of Arbaeen, sit down and send your spirit to Karbala, believe it. Feel your spirits touch the shrine, renew your allegiance, and mirror his love for his Lord. Visit your Imam from anywhere in the world, because your love is not bound by mere space and time.

So, no goodbyes. Rather; I will see you all there.

Pray for me when your spirits are in Karbala.

'Hussain To Me'

786

Salam dear brothers and sisters. Here's an article i wrote for the college magazine. It's in 'proper English' lol. i thought i would share it here, so here it is...

------------------

In the name of Allah, the Ever Merciful, the Especially Merciful

What does Hussain mean to me?

He means everything to me. In a few hours of a single afternoon, he taught me everything I need to know and showed me everything I need to be. It is as if the twenty-three years of the prophet`s (s) message; his love, his vision, his struggle... are encapsulated into a single man. Hussain is the perfect student of Muhammad (s).

He is the meaning of sacrifice, the symbol of loyalty, the very essence of mercy and compassion. On the battlefield, he fights with unmatched valour and off the battlefield he gives with unparalleled generosity. The moon envies his heart’s radiance and the sun surrenders before the warmth of his character. Hussain is the embodiment of virtues.

From the ninety-year old sage to the six month old infant, from the black African slave to the renowned Arab warrior, from a fourteen year old nephew to a sister in shackles... Hussain's companions are shining examples for all humanity that when freedom is threatened, when faith is corrupted, and when materialism governs, all have a part to play in the stand for liberty, piety and morality, that in the way of truth, no sacrifice is too great.

Whenever I feel weak, depressed, lonely… I take myself to the land of unending inspiration, to the camp of Hussain, knowing that my thirst for love, strength and light will be quenched there. I drink from the sweet springs of his love and compassion, and recieve the energy, determination and vision that I need to continue.

Indeed, the epic scene we find in the desert sands of Karbala: an armed force of thirty thousand men facing a band of seventy-two; a camp of egotism, hatred and arrogance facing an army of love, compassion and self sacrifice; cowardice against loyalty, pride against humility, vengeance against mercy… is in reality nothing but a reflection of the scene that all of us witness every single day… within our own being.

When I find myself torn between virtue and desire, between love and lust, between freedom and slavery… all I need to do is view my situation through the lens of Hussain’s sacrifice, and everything becomes clear, as if his stand is the very manifestation of the Qur’anic passage: ‘There is no compulsion in religion; truth has become distinct from error…’ (Qur’an 2:256). When I have to choose between swallowing my pride and responding with anger, between the urge to backbite and the struggle to hold my tongue, between silence in the face of injustice and standing for freedom… I remember the words of Hussain when he stated:

“They have left me a choice between death and humiliation. And never to humiliation”

In the way I think, in the way I speak, in the way I worship; in my relationship with God, in my interactions with His servants… in the way I live and, inshaAllah (God-willing) in the way I will die, I try to answer the call of

Hussain when he stood alone on the desert sands and called out:

‘Is there any helper to help me?’

The chapter of history that tells of the sacrifice of Hussain was a chapter that was opened in Karbala… but it did not close there. It remains open until this day. And as long as there is a single human being living under oppression – be it social, physical or spiritual – this chapter shall remain open. As long as there is a single homeless man without shelter, an abused woman without protection, and a thirsty child without water, this chapter shall remain open. 

Yesterday it was spears and arrows.

Today it is tanks and missiles.

Yesterday it was town criers of despotic Caliphs.

Today it is a multi-million dollar media machine.

Yesterday it was the companions of Hussain against the army of Yazid. Today it is oppressive regimes that occupy and murder indiscriminately against advocates of justice and liberty.

Yesterday it was the love of position against love of God.

Today it is a culture of lust and consumerism against virtue, ethics and morality.

Today, it is you and me. Every day we are faced with decisions, with choices. Hussain’s eternal stand continues, and so do the endless attempts to silence it. It all begins within our own selves. As such, the question every person must ask his/herself is not 'where would I have stood had I been in Karbala 1300 years ago?', but rather:

‘Where do I stand today?’

Part XIII - Reactions

786
Salaaaaam bros/sisters!!!!
Guess what?? Haidar'z baaaaccckkkk!
please forgive me for not writing for soooooo long; i guess i got kinda bored posting posts :s my bad... but now i'm on dis blog ting propa u get me? joking :)
Soo, last time i mentioned that i would speak about the reactions i received when i broke the news to friends and family... so here it is...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When i told my brothers, they were like 'what?' before a huge smile would erupt on their face followed by hugs and kisses... alhamdulillah i can say that there is not one brother who i told to which he so much as looked negatively towards me; there were many surprised expressions... but all of them were positive surprises and usually followed by praise and commendations about how its so good to get married young and well done etc etc... not to mention the questions lol.. but i understand and enjoy answering them... that's why i began writing these blog posts in the first place!

But there were some negative reactions. This was because some people who think they know me but have no idea who i am felt that they should have been in on it since day 1. even though i explained that this 'marriage' was only in order to be able to know the sister more before in a halal context (i tended to avoid unnecessary contact with non mahram sisters)... how can this be appreciated by someone who has no issues touching cousins (''sisters'') and even neighbours and friends, giving them hugs and kisses? How can such a person appreciate my understanding and perspective? What - become 'married' just so you can talk?! And how can you know such a person? ... how can you explain that all that matters to me is piety and i trust in God... truly those with worldly outlooks consider those with Iman to be deluded and those with Iman see them in the same way. i don't claim to have Iman. But i'm trying...

Anyways i can't really give details as that would entail backbiting!

At such a time, i really appreciated the fact that friends are the family you choose for yourself. Of course a family member could be a friend too. They are not mutually exclusive or anything! But the people you happen to be related to do not always understand who you are... but there will always be individuals in this world who will understand you. And these individuals are your real family. Subhanallah. It is the believers who are brothers/sisters; it is Iman that makes you truly related to another and not blood ties; because if that was the case then Allah gave His word to the prophet Nuh (a) that He would save his family and He drowned his unbelieving son; when Nuh (a) asked God about this He said 'innahu lays min ahlik; innahu 'amalun ghayra salih' = 'He is not from your family; his deeds are other than righteous'. Wow, Qur'anic values are so liberating; they're drastically revolutionary, even today 1400 years later!

Part XII

786
Salam dear brothers and sisters. sorry for the long delay. i began back at icas this weekalhamdulillah its awesome, great meeting all the news AS students; all of them seem so pure and innocent mashaAllah. baaaare love!

Soooooo, what happened next is that we left (without being married) and then we returned the next night. i met her mum, brother's wife who were there... before being summoned by my sister-aunty (who i had spoken to on the phone that time) into my wife's room. She was already there. We closed the door and then the sister addressed us both. She had also married my brother-uncle at a very young age. And alhamdulillah we had someone to give us advice at this point.

Anyway, so what happened is that i said i wanted to recite the verses of nikah alone with her before reciting them again in front of the family members who were there (her brothers, mum and my mum and uncle & aunty). So we did. Lol. Music please!

And that was it. Simple. Then i said lets recite a ziyarah to Ahlulbayt so we begin our marriage with them. and she liked that. so we faced the qiblah and i recited a ziyarah. Then we went to the living room where the rest of the family had gathered. And we repeated the verses. i was a little nervous repeating in front of them hehe. anyways, everyone was very happy and smiling etc. then they brought food for us that they had prepared. we ate, spoke a bit then we left.

And that's it really. Its been almost 2 years now. i said that at this point i didn't want anyone else to know. InshaAllah when we were ready to live together or something we would have a wedding and tell everyone. Besides, my grandmother was also in hospital at the time and i didn't want to add to anyone's stress or something. Hmmm, what else should i mention?

Ah, yes, next time i'll skip the boring parts and jump to when it comes to telling others and the various reactions with which the news was received :s

Part XI - My Lord, You Have Honoured Me

786
Salam brothers and sisters! hope you're all well and for all the young ones out there may Allah make you all successful in your schools/colleges/unis this year! All the best xxx
-----------
After a 30-40 min drive, we finally arrived at their house. We were given a nice welcome. We went inside and sat down. She was there. Her mum was there. And her 2 brothers, her oldest  being the one who i had mentioned in the previous post. i had seen her second oldest brother before too, by 'chance', and he had later told his other brother that he had liked me.

So very soon i was sitting on the couch next to my dear brother (her oldest bro). He was on my left. And the brother who had put us in touch in the first place and had driven us there was on my right.  i think his wife was next to him and my mum next to her. i don't remember exactly. Then, she entered and sat down on the floor. She was covered perfectly with Islamic Hijab. Her 2nd oldest brother was sitting on a chair, as the couch we were sitting on didn't have enough space for everyone. We were given biscuits and offered refreshments.

Pretty soon, the dear brother who had put us in touch, atm sitting on my right, began speaking to her eldest brother sitting on my left... and i remained silent. He spoke in English so that everyone would understand. He said 'we have come to ask your permission for sister - 's hand in marriage to our brother Haidar'. He went on. i felt extremely honoured the way he spoke for me. With so much respect... i think everyone in the room knew that Islam meant the world to both of us. So i'm sure no one had any issues thinking we might not be compatible.

Then, after the brother finished speaking, her oldest brother on my left took my hand. And he held my hands in his hand. He expressed his happiness and delight at it being me who had come and wanted to marry his sister. He said: if it had been anyone other than Haidar, we would have had to consider whether or not to accept... but because it was me, he genuinely had no issues or concerns. And then he said: i am sure we will learn from you.

All this time, i had been looking down. i felt as if everyone was looking at me, even if they weren't. but her eyes were also lowered towards the ground.

i don't know if i did, but i felt as if i went red. all this was being said about me...

After the brother finished speaking, i asked his sister a question. The first time we had spoken to each other in person. i said: 'Sister - , do you think that language will be a problem between us?'
With her gaze still lowered, she said 'No, i don't think so. i can improve my english' (not that her english was bad).

Then i said that i would like to speak to her alone. So we went into another room. i took out from my pocket my most valuable possession: some golden coins i had received one morning as a gift from Masjid Al Jamkaran. This was the Mahar that we had agreed upon when speaking online. i showed her. i wanted to make sure she was completely happy with it. She was overjoyed. It had no value in the eyes of the world. But it meant the world to me. And she appreciated the value of this spiritual present.

When you please God, God pleases you

Part X - Best Of Planners

786
Salaaaaaaamun Alaykuuuuum everyone! i'm back :D apologies for the long delay in posting. How've you all been??? inshaAllah i pray everyone's results were good and if not then remember everything happens for a reason and as long as you're breathing every moment is an opportunity to change and turn your life around! And 'when life pushes you to your knees, ur in the perfect position to pray' ^^ When u realise u have no one except Him. that is when u make DU3A2 and He ANSWERS u, you get me?

Anyways, its been really nice seeing so many of you over the past week! especially the 'moons' who brighten up the sky of my heart. hehe. love you all so much!

Soo, last time i wrote a tiny bit about what happened next and then went on a mad one about Mut'ah LOL! So this time i'll keep it lighter inshaAllah :)

But first, mashaAllah we've reached 10 parts now - this is the tenth! Salawaat!! Allahumma salli ala Muhammadin wa aali Muhammadin wa ajjil farajahum!!

So last time my dad gave me the talk. However, as i've said to some of you in person, when i told my parents about my decision, i wasn't asking their permission. i had made my decision. We had made our decision. i was simply informing them. i knew that i didn't need their permission - just wanted to keep them informed.

So anyways, about a month later i was in germany visiting relatives. and i believe it was even the day that we had landed. i was staying with my grandad as i always do. twas nice seeing them all. however my grandmother (mum's mum) was in hospital at the time. i think it was cancer that she had. she was very ill, very weak. may Allah have mercy on all your relatives who have left the dunya...reminder for us all...

Anyway, so i met the brother who had put us in touch in the first place. Actually my family knows him veeery well. hehe. he's actually a relative of mine. i didn't say it earlier because i didn't want you to think that i approached him as a relative. i didn't. i approached him as a brother. it so happened he was the only person i had such a connection with that i could speak openly about my feelings. even now, i refer to him as brother and not as uncle. because even if he had not been related to me i would still have gone and spoke to him. the blood relation played no role in my decision to approach him.

Anyways, so that night this brother, his wife (who i had spoken to on the phone that time when i had a panic attack earlier), my mother and myself... the brother drove all of us to the house of the sister. Her family's house. She lived with her mother, but i knew she had 2 brothers. Let me tell you a small story here. Imagine, in the darkness of the night, we are driving on the roads, trees on either side. Imagine, this is the first time Haidar would really meet his potential wife to be, someone who he's spoken to only twice on the internet. Some Halal musical humming would be nice here!

So this is the story. Some years ago, i went to visit my family in germany. The day we landed, my aunty had a small majlis (religious gathering) in her house and they had asked me to recite Dua Kumayl (supplication of prophet Khidr (a) taught by Imam Ali (a) to Kumayl ibn Ziyad (a)) and i had agreed. So before even going to where i was gonna stay (with my grandad) i went straight to their house. The car dropped me off and i ascended the stairs to their flat. So after the majlis had ended and i had finished reciting the du'a, one of the uncles was impressed by my recitation and asked if i could recite in his home next week and i agreed. 

The story continues...

During the week i met some brothers and sisters who i became very fond of. They were going to go to a different city by train for a big gathering of many brothers and sisters. And i really wanted to go with them. However, guess what? The day they were going was the same day i had agreed to recite in the uncle's house. So i called my aunty (whose house i had recited at), thinking it would be fine if i excuse myself. However she said that the uncle had actually called and invited his other friends to come after confirming that i would recite. i was gutted. There was also a brother who i knew from youtube, and he was gonna be at that meeting too. That was the main reason i was really eager to go. However i knew now i couldn't... i cried to Allah swt when i prayed Isha that night.

So the brothers and sisters left. And i felt left alone. i know my family was there like my mum, grandad and so on, but you know when you have special love for your brothers and sisters and wanna spend time with them, especially when you know how little time you have to spend... sigh... 

So i went with my uncle (aunty's husband) to the uncle's house. It was a gathering where basically older people who he knew had come together. typical thing to expect really. no one i could relate to. i recited the du'a. Then i was sitting there as the uncles spoke about various issues (you know what its like hehe). i feel kinda sorry for myself imaging me sitting all alone there! i guess God felt sorry for me too... 

From nowhere, a young brother with a pious face came and sat in front of me. He began speaking with me. He asked my views on something Islamic. Not because he didn't know. But because this brother's Akhlaq is impeccable. Especially the way he treats others. He spent the whole time sitting with me and honestly discussing with me and listening to me. He really made me feel honoured, and Allah brought a love and warmth into my heart through him. Since that day i've loved this brother so much. One of the few people a person can call friend... who would have imagined that he would be my brother in law one day?

To be continued!

Part IX - But What Will The People Say? [Warning: Strong Views Present!]

786
Salams brothers and sisters :)
Some days ago i finally met one of my brothers who i've been missing a looooot... he told me that i smell of Tehran which made me happy lol! was nice spending some time with him, we went to eat cake on edgeware road too for the first time for both of us. love you bro xxx

------

The next evening my dad called me downstairs as he wanted to speak to me. i came, not sure what to expect, and sat down. he said (paraphrasing): look, i don't mind who she is. it really isn't important to me who you choose (it's your decision and i won't interfere). my only concern is that suppose you go ahead with this and then decide you're not right for one another. For you its not a problem. But for the girl it will be a problem for her to ever find anyone to marry because she will be seen as 'damaged goods'. Her reputation will be tainted.

and you know what the saddest part is brothers and sisters? He is right.

If a sister wishes to protect her religion by marrying (especially temporarily), her 'reputation' will be 'tainted' in the eyes of the 'Muslim community'. Indeed, the same father who will debate with his Sunni colleague until Fajr regarding the permissibility of Mut'ah at the prophet's time, if his own daughter asks him for permission to be Islamically married to a pious brother... all hell will break loose.

Of course, with brothers its okay, because, well, their boys... you know! But sisters... astaaaaaaghfirullah! how dare you even mention that filthy word in front of your parents! How dare you seek to go about things in a Halal way! How dare you even consider going through with an arrangement which earns Allah's pleasure! We are Muslims! We don't do that! Our women are pure! They don't have desires astaaaaaghfirullah! We don't do that - we're not westernised - living in the west has influenced you!

And when you explain to them the rational and Islamic proofs behind it, the real reason behind their opposition to permanent or temporary marriage (especially) is revealed. And it's not because they hate their children. Your parents really do love you. They want the best for you. A lot of the time they will even accept that yes you are right this makes sense and there's no reason not to at all, except...

but what will people say? 
What will the community think?

One question: is this the community Rasulallah (s) would be proud of?

And we wonder why the Imam (a) has not appeared. My point isn't that everyone should do Mut'ah - not at all. My point is that until we let go of the racism, arrogance, ignorance and reputation-worship in an attempt to please a community that prides itself in displeasing God... until we let go of the 'values' (or rather, lack of values) and traditions of our ancestors and communities - which are completely against the values of Allah - from the depths of our hearts, until we dissolve our existences in the pure, complete way of life that is Islam, we are not true Muslims. Because a Muslim is one who submits to Allah. Not one who submits to his community, culture, tradition and people. This is a form of inward Shirk. The only message that the prophets and Imams lived, died and breathed for was Tawhid. Yet it seems that whilst we herald the banner of Tawhid, Islam and Ahlulbayt with our tongues, when it comes to our businesses, our own families... our own personal lives, it becomes clear that that which we proclaim has yet to enter into our hearts.

So anyways, i really appreciated that my dad honestly had no problem whoever i chose. Alhamdulillah. i know so many parents have a problem if their son or daughter would marry a person from another culture (obviously they can't accept that we are part of the western culture and not the culture 'back home'). So an iraqi can't marry a turk. and a pakistani can't marry an iranian. and an afghan can't marry a british person. Something called... hmmm, what was it again?.. ah yes... racism. it was abolished by the prophet (s) 1400 years ago but we've done a great job undoing his efforts and opposing the Qur'an that states that the criteria for distinction is piety (how near a person is to God). We are part of 1 race. And that is the human race.

i was happy with my dad about that. however i had to disagree with him on the second point. Not because i was thinking only about myself. i honestly considered it from the sister's perspective. Indeed i knew that these prejudices were and are present in the community. And he agreed that they are wrong. He didn't believe that she would actually be less worthy because of having been with a previous partner. But he just pointed out that the sad reality of things was that the community was far from a true Islamic community. And i agree with him. Who doesn't?

However. i maintained that even if we decide to go our separate ways, if in the future she wished to get married, she would choose a pious spouse. i knew her well enough to say that with conviction. and a pious brother would never look down on her for having done something pleasing to Allah swt. A pious brother who would be worthy of her, would never look down on her for having been married previously. If anything, he would admire her for that and that would attest to her Iman and obedience to Allah alone, especially as everyone knows its not a bed of roses for a young Muslimah to marry based on piety, particularly at such a young age. Sad thing is, the thorns in the path come from people who call themselves Muslims and lovers of the holy household and not from non Muslims.

Anyway, i appreciated dad's point. i said sure such people who have a true liberated, Islamic understanding are very few. Few brothers are like that. i agree. However, i am sure there are brothers like this. And if she were to come across a brother who considered her 'damaged goods' for having pleased Allah swt, such a person is not worthy of marrying her. He wouldn't be worthy for her to marry him.

"Do not be the slave of anyone: God has made you free" - Imam Ali ibn Abi Talib (a)

i apologise for the strong views! its something that really hurts me. Hypocrisy - Nifaq. May God protect our hearts from this disease. And what hurts most is when i see that other peoples' hypocrisy messes up the lives of my brothers and sisters. it destroys me inside. this racism needs to end. this arrogance needs to end. this stupidity and ignorance towards Mut'ah needs to end. Sure, people have abused it. The people who martyred Imam Al Husayn (a) abused prayer - does that mean we should abandon Salah? People abuse the Qur'an - does that mean we abandon the Qur'an? If we are ignorant about something (meaning if we don't know what Islam has to say about an issue e.g. Mut'ah), then let's learn about it. When you want non Muslims to learn about Islam, the first thing you tell them is what? That please do not judge Islam by the actions of Muslims. Learn about Islam from the sources - read the Qur'an and Hadith for yourself! Study his (s) life for yourself! Then make up your mind. So shouldn't we apply the same principle to ourselves? What is Mut'ah? If you don't know, that's fine! If all you know is that it is something bad that bad people do... then i personally invite you to learn about it. Because Mut'ah is something that has its origin in the pristine teachings of the prophet Muhammad (s) and Ahlulbayt (a). And anything that comes from Ahlulbayt (a), can not be evil. it is 100 per cent positive, and if God has given it to us from them, it means that it has a place and there is benefit in it for us. Its fine if you disagree. But if you want to be fair, then please study what Islam says about it before passing judgement. May Allah make us a means for this, to pave the way for the Mahdi's revolution of light.

To All My Brothers And Sisters

Bismillah

Salamun Alaykum dear brothers and sisters. This is a video i made for all my dear friends on the first night in the holy city of Qum - yes, i remembered you! Thank you for everything you've done for me. May Allah swt take you all into His loving care. Please keep us in your prayers.

Part VIII - The Moment Of Truth: Telling The Parents

786
Salam dear brothers, sisters, friends.
hope you're all well inshaAllah!
So here's part 8 :)

Turning to God, i decided to stay on the decision we had made to recite the verses of marriage in about a month's time... now comesthe tricky part: telling the parents :-O drum roll please...!

i'd researched a lot about marriage in Islam (yes by research i do mean 'Ayatullah' google - please don't insult my marja3 lol!) Anyways, this had been a long time ago but i remember that i had been soooo surprised at the things the holy prophet (s) and imams (a) have taught about marriage! The liberality, freedom and understanding that i found in some of the sayings were just mindblowing.

Can you imagine, when a man holds his wife's hands, God erases some of his sins and grants him some good deeds and that when a man kisses his wife God forgives more of his sins and grants him even more good deeds?

And regarding sexual ethics. i would never gave guessed in my wildest dreams that such an act would not only be allowed, but very highly encouraged. But it is. If God has given us an urge or need, then why would He then turn around and say: yeah, but if you follow it, i'll burn in you in hell- ha take that! God isn't like that!! HE is the one who has given us needs including sexual needs. The sexual need is from ALLAH! It is not evil! It is extremely good and positive! Being attracted to the opposite gender is positive. Islam is the religion of our nature (Fitrah). Nothing contradicts our nature.

What really upsets me is the way too many 'Muslims' behave. Muslim parents and parents-to-be, please allow me to speak frankly. Your children need to know about sexual ethics when they reach puberty. If you just decide not to speak to them about it, plz don't imagine for a moment they will stay 'pure' and 'innocent'. They will seek knowledge about sex for themselves. And if they feel they can't discuss it with you (because you never developed a relationship of friendship with your children), then they will talk about it with other people who you don't know. simple. and these will usually be friends (not truefriends of course) at school or college, who don't have a clue about how to dress let alone the teachings of the Ahlulbayt on sexual morality!

This taboo on sex needs to end. This taboo did not exist with the holy prophet (s) and the imams (a) of his household after him. Men and women came to the prophet and imams with questions regarding sex, and they answered them. The prophet (s) actually once said: 'Blessed be the women of the Ansar. Shyness did not prevent them from learning about their religion'. i don't want this to become a hadith commentary session so for more info please refer to 'Marriage and Morals in Islam' (Click here :)) Sex is not evil. It is an act of spirituality that takes one closer to Allah swt. However, it seems too many of us have become accustomed to the idea that it is something animalistic, i guess because the way it is presented to us in western society is very animalistic. sigh sigh. but we must change this. be the change.

----------

one of the things i had learned from my 'research' ;) was that the boy doesn't need the permission of his parents at all. However, i wanted to tell my parents at this point. Just my parents - no one else.

With my mum, i knew she would be happy and supportive. i'd talked about this to her extensively before and even asked her to look for some sisters though i hadn't considered any sister before this. So my mum was sitting in my room after Fajr. and i told her mum you know regarding marriage i spoke to this sister and well, we want to go ahead with it... she was really calm, she smiled and said 'good' (she meant it!). she was really happy for me. but she remain really calm and composed. alhamdulillah. since then she has given me great advice, reminded me to call my wife when i haven't, and always allowed us to have privacy, been more understanding than even i have myself at times! Alhamdulillah - mum: guardian angel hehe ^^

But with my dad it was different. Like i said before, with my dad i hadn't had that close, friendly relationship as i had with my mum. i don't blame anyone. i know i myself hadn't done my part completely but maybe that was because i had been on my own journey... anyway, that night he was sitting downstairs in the living room.

i plucked up the courage to enter into what i knew would be a very interesting conversation to tay the least! *awkward moments* ahem. lol!
so i came into the room, and began with that classicline: dad can i tell you something? lol!

then i said, well you know how some time back i said i wanted to look for a sister to marry (referring to that 1 random convo i had with him all those months back on the drive back to london). well, i found someone. and we decided on a date for marriage... i don't remember exactly what i said.

i remember he didn't say a single word. he just listened really, and asked who she is. i told him her name though he had not been acquianted with her. anyway my mum, i think she knew some of her family from germany, so i think she mentioned 'who she was' (lol as if knowing someone's family means you 'know' them).

So then i left the room as he didn't really have much to say! i guess my dad was shocked. i understand that he would be. i was 16. and like i said i hadn't had that close relationship with my dad till this point... sigh. inshaAllah we can learn from this and make sure we are friends with our children from day 1.

Pictures From Mashhad

'You may visit the one closest to you, buried in the land of loneliness'

The shrine and grave of Imam Al-Rida (a) are directly beneath the golden dome. The holy shrine of the Imam (a) has at least 10 courtyards. This picture is taken with Masjid Gowharshad behind us, facing the direction of his blessed shrine.

Sahn-e-Jami-e-Razavi - the biggest courtyard of the holy shrine. This is one of the several places prayer if offered in congregation. i would go here for the Fajr prayer, after which i took this photo and video. Qiblah is behind us and the holy shrine is in front of us. The blue dome of Masjid Gowharshad is blocking the view of the golden dome above his blessed shrine. 

My favourite courtyard - Sahn-e-Azadi. This is before the Fajr prayer on the birth of Imam Al-Hasan (a) on the 15th of the month of Ramadan.

The entrance to Dar Al-Hujjah, the underground chamber where lovers of the holy prophet (s) and his household may visit the closest place to the actual grave of Imam Al-Rida (a). There is no shrine here, just a plain wall and a sign reading: this is the closest place to the grave of Imam Al-Rida (a)

The graves of Sayyid Yasir and Sayyid Nasir, two sons of Imam Al-Kazim (a). They are the brothers of Imam Al-Rida (a) through their father; the only sibling that Imam Al-Rida (a) has with the same father and mother is Lady Fatimah Al-Ma'sumah (peace be upon her).

 Hussayniyyah Vali Asr in Mashhad:

Poem - The Stranger Of Toos - Visiting The Grave Of Imam Rida (a)

786

The Stranger Of Toos

To whom does this grave belong

Encompassed by a foreign land?

Away from the love of kith and kin

Surrounded by lonely sands?

From where has this stranger come?

From which galaxy has this star fallen

And illuminated instead the earth

While Muhammad’s household’s heart’s are broken?

Even the scent of his shrine carries

The sorrow known only to strangers

Separated from their homelands

And in this separateness is oneness

So the scent of love his water carries

Love with longing to return

Come and listen to his story

Allow your heart with love to burn

And ache for the loneliest of lonely

And for this stranger, let your tears flow

He lifts from each lover his sorrow

To him like moths they yearn to go

And circumambulate his dome

A Ka’bah for each broken heart

To his shrine the sinner came

And from him never can depart

Part VII - Trust Him!

786

Salamun Alaykum dear brothers and sisters!
Alhamdulillah i returned from Iran bil-salama due to Allah's mercy. You know this morning we came into the airport in Tehran - it had just passed Fajr time. There was a huge queue and we didn't know where to go. My mum and i thought: should we line up first or pray first? We decided we would pray first. So we asked for directions to the prayer room and went downstairs in the lift to the prayer room. We took it in turns; first i went and did Wudhu and then offered prayer while mum looked after my lil bro :) then she went, did Wudhu and prayed while i looked after the young Sayyid ^^

Soooo, then we went up in the lift once more - with a pushchair and 3 heavy suitcases piled up in the trolley - and asked where we needed to go - turned out the queue that we had seen earlier wasn't even our queue! There were just a few people in our queue and we got through really easily with no problems at all!

Truly, when you put God first, He puts you first :)

Soooooo, firstly plz let me apologise for not writing for over a month! For the record, i did try getting through in Iran but it didn't really work out hehe. Anyways, here is part VII of the marriage journey :)

^a picture of Imam Khomeini International Airport in Tehran i found on google - thought it looked buff  so i added it :)
-----

So last time we left off when the door that i had been praying for, for almost half a year, had opened right in front of me and all of a sudden i was overcome by panic about whether to go through with it or not! We had just agreed on a date (in about a month's time). But now i wasn't sure and was seriously considering politely telling the sister that i wasn't ready yet and inshaAllah she may find someone more suitable...

At this time, i spoke to one of the people who had put me in touch with the sister in the first place - actually, this person was the brother's wife (the brother who i had mentioned earlier). i told her exactly what i was feeling: that i was really not sure about it etc... and she said to me: you were so sure previously, and now, now that God has put the person in your life, you are suddenly unsure?! Truly, it is the Shaytan trying to prevent you doing the right thing. The Shaytan always tries, till the very last moment, to keep you from pleasing God...

i thought about this... and my heart knew... she was right.

Thinking logically, i knew there was no reason for me not to go ahead with this; i knew this would be pleasing to Allah swt. i had trusted in Him previously and {whoever trusts in Allah, He is sufficient for Him}... why, now, at this moment, should i stop myself from going through with what may well be the best decision of my life in this world and the next? Sure, i felt nervous... but is it worth holding back due to some nerves that would last for some hours and regretting for a lifetime instead? How would i know if there would ever be another sister who i would be suited for and who would be suited for me, as this sister was...?

So i submitted, Yes Allah, i will do this. Just for You...

i put down the phone, having told her that she was right and i understood. and i dropped into sajdah on my prayer mat. Oh Allah, i need You so much right now! My life, my death, my profit, my loss, everything about me... is in Your hands. i have no control over it. Oh Allah! stand by me! Help me! i need You!

after speaking to Him and allowing my heart to empty its contents into His ears, i sat up from my prayer mat. i glanced up, and through the window of my room i saw the shining moon. and at that moment, i felt in myself that it was smiling at me warmly. i saw some thin clouds go past it, and after about ten seconds, i saw it covered completely.

Yes. The right decision.

Returning From Iran

In Your name, Oh Companion of one who has no companion, Oh Support of one who has no support and Oh Friend of one who is left abandoned. In the name of the Lover of saddened hearts, the Friend of hearts, the Light of hearts, the Illuminator of hearts...

i don't know what to say. i don't know what i feel. i....

this morning we left imam khomeini international airport for london after spending the month of ramadan in Qum, Mashhad and the final days in the mountains of Tehran. when i write i write from my heart. but i don't know what to write. i don't know what my heart feels. it doesn't seem real being behind a screen writing these words.

Peace be upon the loneliest of lonely,
the one away from friends and family,
the friend of the people,
the refuge of hearts broken by the pain of separation,
the shelter of those estranged by those they once knew to be friends...
the friend of one who has no friend
the companion of one who has no companion
the lover of one who has no lover
the stranger of Toos

Peace be upon you, oh one buried in the land of loneliness,
Assalamu alayka ya Ali ibn Musa Al-Rida Al-Murtada

and upon your sister,
the daughter of Allah's messenger,

and the mercy of Allah and His blessings.

Oh Allah, thank you for allowing me to visit the stranger of Toos in the land of loneliness.

Salamun Alaykum dear brothers and sisters...

inshaAllah i'll continue writing  thoughts and feelings soon.

May Allah have mercy on all of you and take you into His loving care.

Please forgive me as i'm confused about what i feel right now.

Please keep us in your prayers.

Salaam.

Life Update :)

786

Salam dear brothers and sisters
How have you all been? Firstly, Ramadan Kareem to all of you! Another Ramadan is upon us and we are the guests of Allah for an entire month. When you're someone's guest, they don't expect you to do anything. They honour you just for being present. So Allah doesn't expect us to do anything - just be honoured and receive His gifts. So don't freak out - Ramadan's not a race to 'finish the Quran' :) Even your breath is Tasbih...

Nuff said ;) Sooooo, why have i not beet posting recently? The reason dear brothers and sisters is that the last week i've been tied down by so many commitments in different places. Alhamdulillah its a blessing, but i do feel tied down by them and need some time to concentrate on my own self. With Allah's mercy, we shall be leaving later today for the blessed sanctuaries of the prophet's (s) household in the holy cities of Qum and Mashhad. If Allah wills. i know i don't deserve this but i need it. Peace be upon you Oh Household of mercy and prophethood.

i hope that i am able to share videos and pictures with you my dear brothers and sisters, along the journey. i don't know when i'll be writing part 6 up yet; so sorry to leave it hanging here! But i wanted to give you this update on what's been happening in my life recently.

Finally, please forgive me for my mistakes. if i've ever hurt you, angered you or not been there for you when you needed me then please forgive me. This is the month of mercy and i humbly request all of you to remember us, our family, our dear brothers and sisters, the Ummah and all humanity in your prayers. May Allah enrich all those who are poor! May Allah return all those who are away from their homelands to their homes once more! May Allah reunite the imprisoned fathers with their families! May Allah return the mothers to their children!

Thank you for everything you've done for me. Thank you for being there for me, for supporting me, for telling me you love me, for sharing my posts, for the likes and the comments full of support - you are like stars shining in the night sky to me. <3 you all. i really appreciate your words full of warmth and support. it warms my heart knowing i can be of some use to you - you are all my people, my community, my family.

May Allah hav mercy on all of you xxx

Fi Amanillah - In God's protection

Haidar a-h

Phone Uploads IV

786
Around 7 months ago (?) - definitely within the last year

Sunset - Maghrib

 'He merges the day into night'

^This is from about a year back. 

Alhamdulillah i've had the blessing of travelling - any guesses which city this is?

An hour before sunset, earlier yesterday :)

Phone Uploads - Bahrain Protests

786

Protests against the oppression taking place in Bahrain...heartbreaking </3

Phone Uploads III

786

Flowers:

'The ICE':

Wembley stadium:

Earlier today - sunset :)