Part IX - But What Will The People Say? [Warning: Strong Views Present!]

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Salams brothers and sisters :)
Some days ago i finally met one of my brothers who i've been missing a looooot... he told me that i smell of Tehran which made me happy lol! was nice spending some time with him, we went to eat cake on edgeware road too for the first time for both of us. love you bro xxx

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The next evening my dad called me downstairs as he wanted to speak to me. i came, not sure what to expect, and sat down. he said (paraphrasing): look, i don't mind who she is. it really isn't important to me who you choose (it's your decision and i won't interfere). my only concern is that suppose you go ahead with this and then decide you're not right for one another. For you its not a problem. But for the girl it will be a problem for her to ever find anyone to marry because she will be seen as 'damaged goods'. Her reputation will be tainted.

and you know what the saddest part is brothers and sisters? He is right.

If a sister wishes to protect her religion by marrying (especially temporarily), her 'reputation' will be 'tainted' in the eyes of the 'Muslim community'. Indeed, the same father who will debate with his Sunni colleague until Fajr regarding the permissibility of Mut'ah at the prophet's time, if his own daughter asks him for permission to be Islamically married to a pious brother... all hell will break loose.

Of course, with brothers its okay, because, well, their boys... you know! But sisters... astaaaaaaghfirullah! how dare you even mention that filthy word in front of your parents! How dare you seek to go about things in a Halal way! How dare you even consider going through with an arrangement which earns Allah's pleasure! We are Muslims! We don't do that! Our women are pure! They don't have desires astaaaaaghfirullah! We don't do that - we're not westernised - living in the west has influenced you!

And when you explain to them the rational and Islamic proofs behind it, the real reason behind their opposition to permanent or temporary marriage (especially) is revealed. And it's not because they hate their children. Your parents really do love you. They want the best for you. A lot of the time they will even accept that yes you are right this makes sense and there's no reason not to at all, except...

but what will people say? 
What will the community think?

One question: is this the community Rasulallah (s) would be proud of?

And we wonder why the Imam (a) has not appeared. My point isn't that everyone should do Mut'ah - not at all. My point is that until we let go of the racism, arrogance, ignorance and reputation-worship in an attempt to please a community that prides itself in displeasing God... until we let go of the 'values' (or rather, lack of values) and traditions of our ancestors and communities - which are completely against the values of Allah - from the depths of our hearts, until we dissolve our existences in the pure, complete way of life that is Islam, we are not true Muslims. Because a Muslim is one who submits to Allah. Not one who submits to his community, culture, tradition and people. This is a form of inward Shirk. The only message that the prophets and Imams lived, died and breathed for was Tawhid. Yet it seems that whilst we herald the banner of Tawhid, Islam and Ahlulbayt with our tongues, when it comes to our businesses, our own families... our own personal lives, it becomes clear that that which we proclaim has yet to enter into our hearts.

So anyways, i really appreciated that my dad honestly had no problem whoever i chose. Alhamdulillah. i know so many parents have a problem if their son or daughter would marry a person from another culture (obviously they can't accept that we are part of the western culture and not the culture 'back home'). So an iraqi can't marry a turk. and a pakistani can't marry an iranian. and an afghan can't marry a british person. Something called... hmmm, what was it again?.. ah yes... racism. it was abolished by the prophet (s) 1400 years ago but we've done a great job undoing his efforts and opposing the Qur'an that states that the criteria for distinction is piety (how near a person is to God). We are part of 1 race. And that is the human race.

i was happy with my dad about that. however i had to disagree with him on the second point. Not because i was thinking only about myself. i honestly considered it from the sister's perspective. Indeed i knew that these prejudices were and are present in the community. And he agreed that they are wrong. He didn't believe that she would actually be less worthy because of having been with a previous partner. But he just pointed out that the sad reality of things was that the community was far from a true Islamic community. And i agree with him. Who doesn't?

However. i maintained that even if we decide to go our separate ways, if in the future she wished to get married, she would choose a pious spouse. i knew her well enough to say that with conviction. and a pious brother would never look down on her for having done something pleasing to Allah swt. A pious brother who would be worthy of her, would never look down on her for having been married previously. If anything, he would admire her for that and that would attest to her Iman and obedience to Allah alone, especially as everyone knows its not a bed of roses for a young Muslimah to marry based on piety, particularly at such a young age. Sad thing is, the thorns in the path come from people who call themselves Muslims and lovers of the holy household and not from non Muslims.

Anyway, i appreciated dad's point. i said sure such people who have a true liberated, Islamic understanding are very few. Few brothers are like that. i agree. However, i am sure there are brothers like this. And if she were to come across a brother who considered her 'damaged goods' for having pleased Allah swt, such a person is not worthy of marrying her. He wouldn't be worthy for her to marry him.

"Do not be the slave of anyone: God has made you free" - Imam Ali ibn Abi Talib (a)

i apologise for the strong views! its something that really hurts me. Hypocrisy - Nifaq. May God protect our hearts from this disease. And what hurts most is when i see that other peoples' hypocrisy messes up the lives of my brothers and sisters. it destroys me inside. this racism needs to end. this arrogance needs to end. this stupidity and ignorance towards Mut'ah needs to end. Sure, people have abused it. The people who martyred Imam Al Husayn (a) abused prayer - does that mean we should abandon Salah? People abuse the Qur'an - does that mean we abandon the Qur'an? If we are ignorant about something (meaning if we don't know what Islam has to say about an issue e.g. Mut'ah), then let's learn about it. When you want non Muslims to learn about Islam, the first thing you tell them is what? That please do not judge Islam by the actions of Muslims. Learn about Islam from the sources - read the Qur'an and Hadith for yourself! Study his (s) life for yourself! Then make up your mind. So shouldn't we apply the same principle to ourselves? What is Mut'ah? If you don't know, that's fine! If all you know is that it is something bad that bad people do... then i personally invite you to learn about it. Because Mut'ah is something that has its origin in the pristine teachings of the prophet Muhammad (s) and Ahlulbayt (a). And anything that comes from Ahlulbayt (a), can not be evil. it is 100 per cent positive, and if God has given it to us from them, it means that it has a place and there is benefit in it for us. Its fine if you disagree. But if you want to be fair, then please study what Islam says about it before passing judgement. May Allah make us a means for this, to pave the way for the Mahdi's revolution of light.

To All My Brothers And Sisters

Bismillah

Salamun Alaykum dear brothers and sisters. This is a video i made for all my dear friends on the first night in the holy city of Qum - yes, i remembered you! Thank you for everything you've done for me. May Allah swt take you all into His loving care. Please keep us in your prayers.

Part VIII - The Moment Of Truth: Telling The Parents

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Salam dear brothers, sisters, friends.
hope you're all well inshaAllah!
So here's part 8 :)

Turning to God, i decided to stay on the decision we had made to recite the verses of marriage in about a month's time... now comesthe tricky part: telling the parents :-O drum roll please...!

i'd researched a lot about marriage in Islam (yes by research i do mean 'Ayatullah' google - please don't insult my marja3 lol!) Anyways, this had been a long time ago but i remember that i had been soooo surprised at the things the holy prophet (s) and imams (a) have taught about marriage! The liberality, freedom and understanding that i found in some of the sayings were just mindblowing.

Can you imagine, when a man holds his wife's hands, God erases some of his sins and grants him some good deeds and that when a man kisses his wife God forgives more of his sins and grants him even more good deeds?

And regarding sexual ethics. i would never gave guessed in my wildest dreams that such an act would not only be allowed, but very highly encouraged. But it is. If God has given us an urge or need, then why would He then turn around and say: yeah, but if you follow it, i'll burn in you in hell- ha take that! God isn't like that!! HE is the one who has given us needs including sexual needs. The sexual need is from ALLAH! It is not evil! It is extremely good and positive! Being attracted to the opposite gender is positive. Islam is the religion of our nature (Fitrah). Nothing contradicts our nature.

What really upsets me is the way too many 'Muslims' behave. Muslim parents and parents-to-be, please allow me to speak frankly. Your children need to know about sexual ethics when they reach puberty. If you just decide not to speak to them about it, plz don't imagine for a moment they will stay 'pure' and 'innocent'. They will seek knowledge about sex for themselves. And if they feel they can't discuss it with you (because you never developed a relationship of friendship with your children), then they will talk about it with other people who you don't know. simple. and these will usually be friends (not truefriends of course) at school or college, who don't have a clue about how to dress let alone the teachings of the Ahlulbayt on sexual morality!

This taboo on sex needs to end. This taboo did not exist with the holy prophet (s) and the imams (a) of his household after him. Men and women came to the prophet and imams with questions regarding sex, and they answered them. The prophet (s) actually once said: 'Blessed be the women of the Ansar. Shyness did not prevent them from learning about their religion'. i don't want this to become a hadith commentary session so for more info please refer to 'Marriage and Morals in Islam' (Click here :)) Sex is not evil. It is an act of spirituality that takes one closer to Allah swt. However, it seems too many of us have become accustomed to the idea that it is something animalistic, i guess because the way it is presented to us in western society is very animalistic. sigh sigh. but we must change this. be the change.

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one of the things i had learned from my 'research' ;) was that the boy doesn't need the permission of his parents at all. However, i wanted to tell my parents at this point. Just my parents - no one else.

With my mum, i knew she would be happy and supportive. i'd talked about this to her extensively before and even asked her to look for some sisters though i hadn't considered any sister before this. So my mum was sitting in my room after Fajr. and i told her mum you know regarding marriage i spoke to this sister and well, we want to go ahead with it... she was really calm, she smiled and said 'good' (she meant it!). she was really happy for me. but she remain really calm and composed. alhamdulillah. since then she has given me great advice, reminded me to call my wife when i haven't, and always allowed us to have privacy, been more understanding than even i have myself at times! Alhamdulillah - mum: guardian angel hehe ^^

But with my dad it was different. Like i said before, with my dad i hadn't had that close, friendly relationship as i had with my mum. i don't blame anyone. i know i myself hadn't done my part completely but maybe that was because i had been on my own journey... anyway, that night he was sitting downstairs in the living room.

i plucked up the courage to enter into what i knew would be a very interesting conversation to tay the least! *awkward moments* ahem. lol!
so i came into the room, and began with that classicline: dad can i tell you something? lol!

then i said, well you know how some time back i said i wanted to look for a sister to marry (referring to that 1 random convo i had with him all those months back on the drive back to london). well, i found someone. and we decided on a date for marriage... i don't remember exactly what i said.

i remember he didn't say a single word. he just listened really, and asked who she is. i told him her name though he had not been acquianted with her. anyway my mum, i think she knew some of her family from germany, so i think she mentioned 'who she was' (lol as if knowing someone's family means you 'know' them).

So then i left the room as he didn't really have much to say! i guess my dad was shocked. i understand that he would be. i was 16. and like i said i hadn't had that close relationship with my dad till this point... sigh. inshaAllah we can learn from this and make sure we are friends with our children from day 1.

Pictures From Mashhad

'You may visit the one closest to you, buried in the land of loneliness'

The shrine and grave of Imam Al-Rida (a) are directly beneath the golden dome. The holy shrine of the Imam (a) has at least 10 courtyards. This picture is taken with Masjid Gowharshad behind us, facing the direction of his blessed shrine.

Sahn-e-Jami-e-Razavi - the biggest courtyard of the holy shrine. This is one of the several places prayer if offered in congregation. i would go here for the Fajr prayer, after which i took this photo and video. Qiblah is behind us and the holy shrine is in front of us. The blue dome of Masjid Gowharshad is blocking the view of the golden dome above his blessed shrine. 

My favourite courtyard - Sahn-e-Azadi. This is before the Fajr prayer on the birth of Imam Al-Hasan (a) on the 15th of the month of Ramadan.

The entrance to Dar Al-Hujjah, the underground chamber where lovers of the holy prophet (s) and his household may visit the closest place to the actual grave of Imam Al-Rida (a). There is no shrine here, just a plain wall and a sign reading: this is the closest place to the grave of Imam Al-Rida (a)

The graves of Sayyid Yasir and Sayyid Nasir, two sons of Imam Al-Kazim (a). They are the brothers of Imam Al-Rida (a) through their father; the only sibling that Imam Al-Rida (a) has with the same father and mother is Lady Fatimah Al-Ma'sumah (peace be upon her).

 Hussayniyyah Vali Asr in Mashhad:

Poem - The Stranger Of Toos - Visiting The Grave Of Imam Rida (a)

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The Stranger Of Toos

To whom does this grave belong

Encompassed by a foreign land?

Away from the love of kith and kin

Surrounded by lonely sands?

From where has this stranger come?

From which galaxy has this star fallen

And illuminated instead the earth

While Muhammad’s household’s heart’s are broken?

Even the scent of his shrine carries

The sorrow known only to strangers

Separated from their homelands

And in this separateness is oneness

So the scent of love his water carries

Love with longing to return

Come and listen to his story

Allow your heart with love to burn

And ache for the loneliest of lonely

And for this stranger, let your tears flow

He lifts from each lover his sorrow

To him like moths they yearn to go

And circumambulate his dome

A Ka’bah for each broken heart

To his shrine the sinner came

And from him never can depart

Part VII - Trust Him!

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Salamun Alaykum dear brothers and sisters!
Alhamdulillah i returned from Iran bil-salama due to Allah's mercy. You know this morning we came into the airport in Tehran - it had just passed Fajr time. There was a huge queue and we didn't know where to go. My mum and i thought: should we line up first or pray first? We decided we would pray first. So we asked for directions to the prayer room and went downstairs in the lift to the prayer room. We took it in turns; first i went and did Wudhu and then offered prayer while mum looked after my lil bro :) then she went, did Wudhu and prayed while i looked after the young Sayyid ^^

Soooo, then we went up in the lift once more - with a pushchair and 3 heavy suitcases piled up in the trolley - and asked where we needed to go - turned out the queue that we had seen earlier wasn't even our queue! There were just a few people in our queue and we got through really easily with no problems at all!

Truly, when you put God first, He puts you first :)

Soooooo, firstly plz let me apologise for not writing for over a month! For the record, i did try getting through in Iran but it didn't really work out hehe. Anyways, here is part VII of the marriage journey :)

^a picture of Imam Khomeini International Airport in Tehran i found on google - thought it looked buff  so i added it :)
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So last time we left off when the door that i had been praying for, for almost half a year, had opened right in front of me and all of a sudden i was overcome by panic about whether to go through with it or not! We had just agreed on a date (in about a month's time). But now i wasn't sure and was seriously considering politely telling the sister that i wasn't ready yet and inshaAllah she may find someone more suitable...

At this time, i spoke to one of the people who had put me in touch with the sister in the first place - actually, this person was the brother's wife (the brother who i had mentioned earlier). i told her exactly what i was feeling: that i was really not sure about it etc... and she said to me: you were so sure previously, and now, now that God has put the person in your life, you are suddenly unsure?! Truly, it is the Shaytan trying to prevent you doing the right thing. The Shaytan always tries, till the very last moment, to keep you from pleasing God...

i thought about this... and my heart knew... she was right.

Thinking logically, i knew there was no reason for me not to go ahead with this; i knew this would be pleasing to Allah swt. i had trusted in Him previously and {whoever trusts in Allah, He is sufficient for Him}... why, now, at this moment, should i stop myself from going through with what may well be the best decision of my life in this world and the next? Sure, i felt nervous... but is it worth holding back due to some nerves that would last for some hours and regretting for a lifetime instead? How would i know if there would ever be another sister who i would be suited for and who would be suited for me, as this sister was...?

So i submitted, Yes Allah, i will do this. Just for You...

i put down the phone, having told her that she was right and i understood. and i dropped into sajdah on my prayer mat. Oh Allah, i need You so much right now! My life, my death, my profit, my loss, everything about me... is in Your hands. i have no control over it. Oh Allah! stand by me! Help me! i need You!

after speaking to Him and allowing my heart to empty its contents into His ears, i sat up from my prayer mat. i glanced up, and through the window of my room i saw the shining moon. and at that moment, i felt in myself that it was smiling at me warmly. i saw some thin clouds go past it, and after about ten seconds, i saw it covered completely.

Yes. The right decision.

Returning From Iran

In Your name, Oh Companion of one who has no companion, Oh Support of one who has no support and Oh Friend of one who is left abandoned. In the name of the Lover of saddened hearts, the Friend of hearts, the Light of hearts, the Illuminator of hearts...

i don't know what to say. i don't know what i feel. i....

this morning we left imam khomeini international airport for london after spending the month of ramadan in Qum, Mashhad and the final days in the mountains of Tehran. when i write i write from my heart. but i don't know what to write. i don't know what my heart feels. it doesn't seem real being behind a screen writing these words.

Peace be upon the loneliest of lonely,
the one away from friends and family,
the friend of the people,
the refuge of hearts broken by the pain of separation,
the shelter of those estranged by those they once knew to be friends...
the friend of one who has no friend
the companion of one who has no companion
the lover of one who has no lover
the stranger of Toos

Peace be upon you, oh one buried in the land of loneliness,
Assalamu alayka ya Ali ibn Musa Al-Rida Al-Murtada

and upon your sister,
the daughter of Allah's messenger,

and the mercy of Allah and His blessings.

Oh Allah, thank you for allowing me to visit the stranger of Toos in the land of loneliness.

Salamun Alaykum dear brothers and sisters...

inshaAllah i'll continue writing  thoughts and feelings soon.

May Allah have mercy on all of you and take you into His loving care.

Please forgive me as i'm confused about what i feel right now.

Please keep us in your prayers.

Salaam.