Salam dear brothers, sisters, friends.
hope you're all well inshaAllah!
So here's part 8 :)
Turning to God, i decided to stay on the decision we had made to recite the verses of marriage in about a month's time... now comesthe tricky part: telling the parents :-O drum roll please...!
i'd researched a lot about marriage in Islam (yes by research i do mean 'Ayatullah' google - please don't insult my marja3 lol!) Anyways, this had been a long time ago but i remember that i had been soooo surprised at the things the holy prophet (s) and imams (a) have taught about marriage! The liberality, freedom and understanding that i found in some of the sayings were just mindblowing.
Can you imagine, when a man holds his wife's hands, God erases some of his sins and grants him some good deeds and that when a man kisses his wife God forgives more of his sins and grants him even more good deeds?
And regarding sexual ethics. i would never gave guessed in my wildest dreams that such an act would not only be allowed, but very highly encouraged. But it is. If God has given us an urge or need, then why would He then turn around and say: yeah, but if you follow it, i'll burn in you in hell- ha take that! God isn't like that!! HE is the one who has given us needs including sexual needs. The sexual need is from ALLAH! It is not evil! It is extremely good and positive! Being attracted to the opposite gender is positive. Islam is the religion of our nature (Fitrah). Nothing contradicts our nature.
What really upsets me is the way too many 'Muslims' behave. Muslim parents and parents-to-be, please allow me to speak frankly. Your children need to know about sexual ethics when they reach puberty. If you just decide not to speak to them about it, plz don't imagine for a moment they will stay 'pure' and 'innocent'. They will seek knowledge about sex for themselves. And if they feel they can't discuss it with you (because you never developed a relationship of friendship with your children), then they will talk about it with other people who you don't know. simple. and these will usually be friends (not truefriends of course) at school or college, who don't have a clue about how to dress let alone the teachings of the Ahlulbayt on sexual morality!
This taboo on sex needs to end. This taboo did not exist with the holy prophet (s) and the imams (a) of his household after him. Men and women came to the prophet and imams with questions regarding sex, and they answered them. The prophet (s) actually once said: 'Blessed be the women of the Ansar. Shyness did not prevent them from learning about their religion'. i don't want this to become a hadith commentary session so for more info please refer to 'Marriage and Morals in Islam' (Click here :)) Sex is not evil. It is an act of spirituality that takes one closer to Allah swt. However, it seems too many of us have become accustomed to the idea that it is something animalistic, i guess because the way it is presented to us in western society is very animalistic. sigh sigh. but we must change this. be the change.
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one of the things i had learned from my 'research' ;) was that the boy doesn't need the permission of his parents at all. However, i wanted to tell my parents at this point. Just my parents - no one else.
With my mum, i knew she would be happy and supportive. i'd talked about this to her extensively before and even asked her to look for some sisters though i hadn't considered any sister before this. So my mum was sitting in my room after Fajr. and i told her mum you know regarding marriage i spoke to this sister and well, we want to go ahead with it... she was really calm, she smiled and said 'good' (she meant it!). she was really happy for me. but she remain really calm and composed. alhamdulillah. since then she has given me great advice, reminded me to call my wife when i haven't, and always allowed us to have privacy, been more understanding than even i have myself at times! Alhamdulillah - mum: guardian angel hehe ^^
But with my dad it was different. Like i said before, with my dad i hadn't had that close, friendly relationship as i had with my mum. i don't blame anyone. i know i myself hadn't done my part completely but maybe that was because i had been on my own journey... anyway, that night he was sitting downstairs in the living room.
i plucked up the courage to enter into what i knew would be a very interesting conversation to tay the least! *awkward moments* ahem. lol!
so i came into the room, and began with that classicline: dad can i tell you something? lol!
then i said, well you know how some time back i said i wanted to look for a sister to marry (referring to that 1 random convo i had with him all those months back on the drive back to london). well, i found someone. and we decided on a date for marriage... i don't remember exactly what i said.
i remember he didn't say a single word. he just listened really, and asked who she is. i told him her name though he had not been acquianted with her. anyway my mum, i think she knew some of her family from germany, so i think she mentioned 'who she was' (lol as if knowing someone's family means you 'know' them).
So then i left the room as he didn't really have much to say! i guess my dad was shocked. i understand that he would be. i was 16. and like i said i hadn't had that close relationship with my dad till this point... sigh. inshaAllah we can learn from this and make sure we are friends with our children from day 1.
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