Part IX - But What Will The People Say? [Warning: Strong Views Present!]

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Salams brothers and sisters :)
Some days ago i finally met one of my brothers who i've been missing a looooot... he told me that i smell of Tehran which made me happy lol! was nice spending some time with him, we went to eat cake on edgeware road too for the first time for both of us. love you bro xxx

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The next evening my dad called me downstairs as he wanted to speak to me. i came, not sure what to expect, and sat down. he said (paraphrasing): look, i don't mind who she is. it really isn't important to me who you choose (it's your decision and i won't interfere). my only concern is that suppose you go ahead with this and then decide you're not right for one another. For you its not a problem. But for the girl it will be a problem for her to ever find anyone to marry because she will be seen as 'damaged goods'. Her reputation will be tainted.

and you know what the saddest part is brothers and sisters? He is right.

If a sister wishes to protect her religion by marrying (especially temporarily), her 'reputation' will be 'tainted' in the eyes of the 'Muslim community'. Indeed, the same father who will debate with his Sunni colleague until Fajr regarding the permissibility of Mut'ah at the prophet's time, if his own daughter asks him for permission to be Islamically married to a pious brother... all hell will break loose.

Of course, with brothers its okay, because, well, their boys... you know! But sisters... astaaaaaaghfirullah! how dare you even mention that filthy word in front of your parents! How dare you seek to go about things in a Halal way! How dare you even consider going through with an arrangement which earns Allah's pleasure! We are Muslims! We don't do that! Our women are pure! They don't have desires astaaaaaghfirullah! We don't do that - we're not westernised - living in the west has influenced you!

And when you explain to them the rational and Islamic proofs behind it, the real reason behind their opposition to permanent or temporary marriage (especially) is revealed. And it's not because they hate their children. Your parents really do love you. They want the best for you. A lot of the time they will even accept that yes you are right this makes sense and there's no reason not to at all, except...

but what will people say? 
What will the community think?

One question: is this the community Rasulallah (s) would be proud of?

And we wonder why the Imam (a) has not appeared. My point isn't that everyone should do Mut'ah - not at all. My point is that until we let go of the racism, arrogance, ignorance and reputation-worship in an attempt to please a community that prides itself in displeasing God... until we let go of the 'values' (or rather, lack of values) and traditions of our ancestors and communities - which are completely against the values of Allah - from the depths of our hearts, until we dissolve our existences in the pure, complete way of life that is Islam, we are not true Muslims. Because a Muslim is one who submits to Allah. Not one who submits to his community, culture, tradition and people. This is a form of inward Shirk. The only message that the prophets and Imams lived, died and breathed for was Tawhid. Yet it seems that whilst we herald the banner of Tawhid, Islam and Ahlulbayt with our tongues, when it comes to our businesses, our own families... our own personal lives, it becomes clear that that which we proclaim has yet to enter into our hearts.

So anyways, i really appreciated that my dad honestly had no problem whoever i chose. Alhamdulillah. i know so many parents have a problem if their son or daughter would marry a person from another culture (obviously they can't accept that we are part of the western culture and not the culture 'back home'). So an iraqi can't marry a turk. and a pakistani can't marry an iranian. and an afghan can't marry a british person. Something called... hmmm, what was it again?.. ah yes... racism. it was abolished by the prophet (s) 1400 years ago but we've done a great job undoing his efforts and opposing the Qur'an that states that the criteria for distinction is piety (how near a person is to God). We are part of 1 race. And that is the human race.

i was happy with my dad about that. however i had to disagree with him on the second point. Not because i was thinking only about myself. i honestly considered it from the sister's perspective. Indeed i knew that these prejudices were and are present in the community. And he agreed that they are wrong. He didn't believe that she would actually be less worthy because of having been with a previous partner. But he just pointed out that the sad reality of things was that the community was far from a true Islamic community. And i agree with him. Who doesn't?

However. i maintained that even if we decide to go our separate ways, if in the future she wished to get married, she would choose a pious spouse. i knew her well enough to say that with conviction. and a pious brother would never look down on her for having done something pleasing to Allah swt. A pious brother who would be worthy of her, would never look down on her for having been married previously. If anything, he would admire her for that and that would attest to her Iman and obedience to Allah alone, especially as everyone knows its not a bed of roses for a young Muslimah to marry based on piety, particularly at such a young age. Sad thing is, the thorns in the path come from people who call themselves Muslims and lovers of the holy household and not from non Muslims.

Anyway, i appreciated dad's point. i said sure such people who have a true liberated, Islamic understanding are very few. Few brothers are like that. i agree. However, i am sure there are brothers like this. And if she were to come across a brother who considered her 'damaged goods' for having pleased Allah swt, such a person is not worthy of marrying her. He wouldn't be worthy for her to marry him.

"Do not be the slave of anyone: God has made you free" - Imam Ali ibn Abi Talib (a)

i apologise for the strong views! its something that really hurts me. Hypocrisy - Nifaq. May God protect our hearts from this disease. And what hurts most is when i see that other peoples' hypocrisy messes up the lives of my brothers and sisters. it destroys me inside. this racism needs to end. this arrogance needs to end. this stupidity and ignorance towards Mut'ah needs to end. Sure, people have abused it. The people who martyred Imam Al Husayn (a) abused prayer - does that mean we should abandon Salah? People abuse the Qur'an - does that mean we abandon the Qur'an? If we are ignorant about something (meaning if we don't know what Islam has to say about an issue e.g. Mut'ah), then let's learn about it. When you want non Muslims to learn about Islam, the first thing you tell them is what? That please do not judge Islam by the actions of Muslims. Learn about Islam from the sources - read the Qur'an and Hadith for yourself! Study his (s) life for yourself! Then make up your mind. So shouldn't we apply the same principle to ourselves? What is Mut'ah? If you don't know, that's fine! If all you know is that it is something bad that bad people do... then i personally invite you to learn about it. Because Mut'ah is something that has its origin in the pristine teachings of the prophet Muhammad (s) and Ahlulbayt (a). And anything that comes from Ahlulbayt (a), can not be evil. it is 100 per cent positive, and if God has given it to us from them, it means that it has a place and there is benefit in it for us. Its fine if you disagree. But if you want to be fair, then please study what Islam says about it before passing judgement. May Allah make us a means for this, to pave the way for the Mahdi's revolution of light.